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Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you a v.2

Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. 2
Many people these days change careers throughout their working life for various reasons ranging from better prospects, high earnings to the better quality of life. Firstly, I think that it is a critical thing to change career and place from one to another because it requires a lot of potential and adaptability to do this. It happens when a crisis occurs in any particular field. A lot of people lose their jobs. So in that situation, if a person has knowledge in some other fields, he can actually sustain. For instance, if a person is good at math and he is a math teacher, he can easily work as an accountant. As an accountant can reach highs faster than as a teacher. Secondly, I even support changing the living places because one likes to move to the place where he gets a good salary in his profession. Most of the people migrate from place to another in search of jobs also and the best facilities to live a comfortable life. You can do your work at home for companies abroad. One such example is: the person who lives in a village and does not have the abilities for going abroad, he can online connect with employer and get his assignment. As a result, they become more motivated and energized to accept new responsibilities at work and finally it is an advantage for their personal development. Furthermore, this trend will worth the society in the long run because when a society consists of an energetic and satisfied workforce, which has a better work-life balance, eventually the country will develop not only economically but also socially.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
careers throughout their working life for various reasons ranging from better prospects, high earnings to the better quality of life.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a critical thing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
from one to another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
potential and adaptability to do this. It happens when a crisis occurs in any particular field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lose their jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in that situation, if a person has knowledge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other fields, he can actually sustain.
For instance
, if a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
math and
he is a math teacher, he can
easily
work as an accountant. As an accountant can reach highs faster than as a teacher.

Secondly
, I even support changing the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one likes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary in his profession. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to another in search of jobs
also
and the best facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a comfortable life. You can do your work at home for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
abroad. One such example is: the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a village and does not have the abilities for going abroad, he can online connect with employer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
his assignment.

As a result
, they become more motivated and energized to accept new responsibilities at work and
finally
it is an advantage for their personal development.
Furthermore
, this trend will worth the society in the long run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when a society consists of an energetic and satisfied workforce, which has a better work-life balance,
eventually
the country will develop not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
economically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
socially
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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