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Traditionally, staff members from the admissions office have led the campus tours for secondary-school students who are considering attending the university. Beginning next semester, however, current students will lead these guided walks around the campus v.1

Traditionally, staff members from the admissions office have led the campus tours for secondary-school students who are considering attending the university. Beginning next semester, however, current students will lead these guided walks around the campus v. 1
Nowadays, Presents have become an integral part of life and, people offer these to their closed ones on special occasions. Certain masses believe that giving presents illustrate the importance of others in their life, while others have various methods to let them close. I think gifts can provide a nice feeling to receiver no matter its big or small. Proponents say people usually offer gifts for special persons such as family members, friends and children. Although it renders a special feeling to receive, but it could also make strong relationship. For instance, Parents generally offer such a present to their kids, which has some futuristic approach so that their children achieve a success in life. If present like electronic gadgets and house toys are given to young ones, these could improve cognitive abilities. Opponents believe people can give more preference to others by meeting them, having parties, and outings together. Although people stay home, but spend some time with old are equally important to present care. If people go for a morning walk together, it could lead them greater bond with each other. For instance, people can watch movies together in their leisure time to give importance to each other. I think the gifts could be considered as special attention in life. Sometime people receive gifts of their own choice and they fill with the kind of love for others. Gift has such a power that it could give great happiness in life and people could learn give and take ability. It could lead to overall development.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Presents
have become an integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
offer these to their closed ones on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
occasions. Certain masses believe that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
illustrate the importance of others in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, while others have various methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them close. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
can provide a nice feeling to receiver no matter its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
.

Proponents say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
persons such as family members, friends and children. Although it renders a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
feeling to receive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strong relationship.
For instance
, Parents
generally
offer such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
to their kids, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
futuristic approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their children achieve a success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
like electronic gadgets and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
toys are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to young ones, these could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
cognitive abilities.

Opponents believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more preference to others by meeting them, having parties, and outings together. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
care. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go for a morning walk together, it could lead them greater bond with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies together in their leisure time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
importance to each other.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
could
be considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choice and
they fill with the kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Gift
has such a power that it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
great happiness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
and take ability. It could lead to
overall
development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Traditionally, staff members from the admissions office have led the campus tours for secondary-school students who are considering attending the university. Beginning next semester, however, current students will lead these guided walks around the campus v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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