Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Employers sometimes ask people applying for the job for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful others disagree. Discuss both these v v.2

Employers sometimes ask people applying for the job for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful others disagree. 2
Increasing competition among companies has left a little margin for error, urging them to invest huge amount of money in human resource department to higher the most suitable candidates to job. In order to do that some companies acquire information related to the personal life of potential employees, such as their area of interest, hobbies and marital status. Some people think that this information is suitable and helpful while others think otherwise. I tend to discuss both school of thoughts and share my opinion. In the first place, people who hail from the first school of thought believe that a candidate’s personal organizational skills reflect on his professional life as well. For instance, a persona having constructive hobbies and positive interests would develop an optimistic approach in every aspect of life. This can be further explained by the example of a person, playing cricket as a hobby would have much better inter-personal skills compared to someone who consumes his spare time in playing video games. This information is quite helpful for recruiters to assign a particular role to the suitable candidate. Furthermore, marital status of a person provides very vital information at times to the employers. An individual leading a successful married life shows the ability of emotional stability and would be best suitable for the roles requiring mature minded personnel. Seeking such information makes life of human resource people much easier. On the flip-side of it, people who advocate the thought that asking for personal information does not help the cause often support their argument with the idea, that having in-depth details of professional and academic achievements available, of a potential employee, should be sufficient to decide the suitability of the candidates with the vacant position. So, employers need not to be concerned about what their employees do in their personal time? As far as my personal opinion is concerned, I strongly believe that seeking the personal information helps the recruiters to streamline their search for a most appropriate candidate for the particular vacant position they have.
Increasing competition among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
margin for error, urging them to invest huge amount of money in human resource department to higher the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
to job. In order to do that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of potential employees, such as their area of interest, hobbies and marital status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
and helpful while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. I tend to discuss both school of thoughts and share my opinion.

In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hail from the
first
school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
organizational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
reflect on his professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
.
For instance
, a persona having constructive hobbies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
interests would develop an optimistic approach in every aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This can be
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the example of a person, playing cricket as a hobby would have much better inter-personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
compared to someone who consumes his spare time in playing video games. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is quite helpful for recruiters to assign a particular role to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
candidate.

Furthermore
, marital status of a person provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
at times to the employers. An individual leading a successful married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the ability of emotional stability and would
A determiner is probably missing here: "be the best".
be best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
for the roles requiring mature minded personnel. Seeking such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of human resource
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
much easier.

On the flip-side of it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who advocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that asking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
support their argument with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, that having in-depth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of professional and academic achievements available, of a potential employee, should be sufficient to decide the suitability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
with the vacant position.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, employers need not to
be concerned
about what their employees do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
time?

As far as my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
opinion
is concerned
, I
strongly
believe that seeking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the recruiters to streamline their search for a most appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
for the particular vacant position they have.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for the job for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful others disagree. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts