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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Nowadays speaking only one foreign language is considered too little for modern humans. Some professionals assume that it is preferable to initiate studying a different tongue at elementary education as opposed to middle education. Although learning an additional language in the young age carries its own drawbacks, I am convinced that school children can acquire many advantages out of it. From my point of view, lack of time for proper childhood is one of the downsides since young people have to prepare for classes instead of playing games with other children. Another factor is enormous workload given that parents coerce study harder in order to become bilingual as early as possible. For instance, one of my friends by the age of ten had overburdened so seriously that relatives were forced to involve professional psychologists to resolve the mental problems. Hence, adding additional activities for kids, family should carefully watch for spare time and the amount of studies their child carries during the particular period of time. In contrast, speaking a second language at an early age has a clear benefit which is intercultural communication. International summer camps have gained a lot of popularity for the last decade, but to be able to go there a kid must know additional language. Even travelling abroad with accompanied acquires less risks if children can explain to others basic information about themselves in case they get lost. I remember how I being in the age of eight missed my parents in the shopping mall in Berlin, but was fluent enough to ask people to provide assistance and deliver me to the information point. Therefore, being able to express yourself in a different language guarantees you an eventful and secure adolescent. Although learning an additional language in primary school obtains obvious disadvantages, I am certain that positive factors prevails.
Nowadays speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is considered
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
for modern humans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
professionals assume that it is preferable to initiate studying a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tongue at elementary education as opposed to middle education. Although learning an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
carries its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawbacks, I
am convinced
that school children can acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages out of it.

From my point of view, lack of time for proper childhood is one of the downsides since young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare for classes
instead
of playing games with other children. Another factor is enormous workload
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that parents coerce study harder in order to become bilingual as early as possible.
For instance
, one of my friends by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of ten had overburdened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
seriously
that relatives
were forced
to involve professional psychologists to resolve the mental problems.
Hence
, adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
activities for kids, family should
carefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
for spare time and the amount of studies their child carries during the particular period of time.

In contrast
, speaking a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefit which is intercultural communication. International summer camps have gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
popularity for the last decade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to be able to go there a kid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Even travelling abroad with accompanied acquires
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun risks is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
if children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to others basic information about themselves in case they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost. I remember how I being in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eight missed my parents in the shopping mall in Berlin,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was fluent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to ask
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to provide assistance and deliver me to the information point.
Therefore
, being able to express yourself in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
guarantees you an eventful and secure adolescent.

Although learning an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in primary school obtains obvious disadvantages, I am certain that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
factors prevails.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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