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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Educating foreign language to the primary kids is advised by some experts compared to the secondary schoolers. While this means that the primary students has more subjects to learn, I believe the benefits are more significant as they would improve their linguistic skills. The main drawback is that the student may end up confused by the many languages that they have yet to understand, in addition to their mother tongue. The reason for this is that most kids of age 6 - 10 years are still in the progress of developing deeper understanding of its own native language. For example, grammar in English is different from how the sentence is structured in Chinese. Therefore, these children may get even more confused in forming a more complex sentences; let alone idioms, proverbs and academic terminologies. On the other hand, one major advantage is that primary students tend to have fewer subjects compared to secondary schools. The older kids have more complex subjects, like Higher Math, Physics, and Biology, which are more challenging compared to primary school subjects like writing, reading, basic math. While most of these subjects are just introductory, it will eventually pick up their interest and teachers may suggest to these kids to explore additional classes after the school ends. In addition to that, primary students who are interested, are starting very early in their life. The fact that of older age, it is challenging to understand foreign language; thus, this gives a significant advantages to these kids. For example, adults language class are normally slower due to the cognitive ability of adults are slower and other things in their mind. Consequently, those who starts early have a substantial headstart. In conclusion, I believe the advantages are of greater significance that the advantages. Despite the fact that they may have confusion when learning these languages, they will gain a lot more advantages in their linguistic skill when they are older. Given this situation, it is recommended that schools should encourage primary students to learn languages other than their natives.
Educating foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is advised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts compared to the secondary schoolers. While this means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to learn, I believe the benefits are more significant as they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their linguistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

The main drawback is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up confused by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that they have
yet
to understand,
in addition
to their mother tongue.
The reason for this is
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
of age
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
6 - 10
years are
still
in the progress of developing deeper understanding of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
native
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language
.
For example
, grammar in English is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from how the sentence
is structured
in Chinese.
Therefore
, these children may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
even more confused in forming a more complex sentences;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone idioms, proverbs and academic terminologies.

On the other hand
, one major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
compared to secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. The older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have more complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, like Higher Math, Physics, and Biology, which are more challenging compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like writing, reading, basic math. While most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
introductory, it will
eventually
pick up their interest and teachers may suggest to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to explore additional classes after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
ends.

In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are interested
, are starting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early in their life. The fact that of older age, it is challenging
Did you mean "understanding"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to understand
foreign
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language
;
thus
, this gives a significant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "advantage"?
advantages
to these
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kids
.
For example
, adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are
normally
slower due to the cognitive ability of adults are slower and other things in their mind.
Consequently
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
early have a substantial
Possible spelling mistake found.
headstart
.

In conclusion
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
are of greater significance that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. Despite the fact that they may have confusion when learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, they will gain a lot more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
in their linguistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
when they are older.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
other than their natives.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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