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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
There is no doubt that the majority of a child's brain develops in the initial years. While many think kids should learn a different language early in school. I believe young age is a perfect time to play sports and build lasting fitness habits. This essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, the disadvantages of learning a foreign language in primary school are the pressure and not having time for other activities. For instance, when children start primary school, they are new to everything. It is hard for them to even focus on subjects like science and mathematics. If we teach them a new language, they might crumble under the pressure. In addition, the young age is essential for all-round development. Students should pay attention to sports and fitness as well. This will ensure, they understand the importance of health education, which will benefit them in future. On the other hand, there are two advantages of studying a new language early. First, this helps in a child's brain development because learning new skills require different parts of the brain. Second, they will have more years to master it. If we look at the research data, kids who can speak different languages have greater cognitive abilities. For example, savants who are polyglot have almost perfect memory. Furthermore, the more you practice, the better you become. This is true for any skill, and kids who started learning early are at an advantage. To illustrate, mastering a new language takes around five to ten years, and those who started in secondary schools do not have enough time until they start searching for jobs. To conclude, even though the positives like cognitive development and mastery of a language are great, but the advantages do not outweigh the disadvantages. Kids should be encouraged to play sports, and parents should give them the time to understand things better.
There is no doubt that the majority of a child's brain develops in the initial years.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
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kids
should learn a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
early in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I believe young age is a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play sports and build lasting fitness habits. This essay will discuss both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages.

On the one hand, the disadvantages of learning a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are the pressure and not having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for other activities.
For instance
, when children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
to everything. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to even focus on subjects like science and mathematics. If we teach them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, they might crumble under the pressure.
In addition
, the young age is essential for all-round development. Students should pay attention to sports and fitness
as well
. This will ensure, they understand the importance of health education, which will benefit them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

On the other hand
, there are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
early.
First
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in a child's brain development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learning
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new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the brain. Second, they will have more years to master it. If we look at the research data,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can speak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
have greater cognitive abilities.
For example
, savants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are polyglot have almost perfect memory.
Furthermore
, the more you practice, the better you become. This is true for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
learning early are at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
. To illustrate, mastering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
takes around five to ten years, and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
searching for jobs.

To conclude
,
even though
the positives like cognitive development and mastery of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
are great,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
do not outweigh the disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
should
be encouraged
to play sports, and parents should give them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to understand things better.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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