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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both this views and give your opinion. v.6

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 6
Most of the children around the world grow up with TV. Time spent on television is raising through the ages. There are both upside and downside for the children. One significant advantage, children gains a lot of general knowledge through TV. For example, channels like Discovery, National Geography are an excellent source of information. Children can finish their science projects by watching these channels. Though there is a myriad of options for distraction, children get to know about non-subjective topics such as politics, weather, sports, exotic animals, which they don’t learn otherwise. Secondly, watching TV makes it easier for kids to understand their subjects. That is why schools are enabling smart classes. Children can learn from their favourite teacher or professor through CDs. Children understand better when subjects are taught pictorially or shown on the TV. However, there are many disadvantages to be considered. For one thing, television makes children physically inactive. Kids prefer watching different channels play outside, and they never get bored. They might make this a habit, and tend to watch TV even during their exams. Another drawback is that kids get spoilt very easily without their parents’ supervision. There are many inappropriate channels for a child, which effortlessly lures the young minds, and either scare or corrupt them. Hence, parents use control settings or the child lock in their televisions. Culminating there are many advantages and disadvantages for children watching television. However, too much of anything is never good. Making appropriate use of TV elevates their knowledge, it is up to the parents to decide.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around the world grow up with TV. Time spent on television is raising through the ages. There are both upside and
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "downsides"?
downside
for the children.

One significant advantage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
general knowledge through TV.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
like Discovery, National Geography are an excellent source of information.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can finish their science projects by watching these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
. Though there is a myriad of options for distraction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about non-subjective topics such as politics, weather, sports, exotic animals, which they don’t learn
otherwise
.

Secondly
, watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for kids to understand their subjects.
That is
why schools are enabling smart classes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn from their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
teacher or professor through CDs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
understand better when subjects
are taught
pictorially
or shown on the TV.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages to
be considered
. For one thing, television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physically
inactive. Kids prefer watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
play outside, and they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored. They might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this a habit, and tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV even during their exams. Another drawback is that kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake. 'spoilt' is British English.
spoilt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
without their parents’ supervision. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
for a child, which
effortlessly
lures the young minds, and either scare or corrupt them.
Hence
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
control settings or the child lock in their televisions.

Culminating there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching television.
However
, too much of anything is never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. Making appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of TV elevates their knowledge, it is up to the parents to decide.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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