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People argue that raising children in today’s society is more difficult than in the past. Others believe that it is much easier due to all the innovations. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

People argue that raising children in today’s society is more difficult than in the past. Others believe that it is much easier due to all the innovations. v. 1
Whereas some argue that raising children in our modern society is harder than in old times, others claim that it is much simpler because of new inventions. In my opinion, while in the past children were not so exposed to strangers as today, raising a child nowadays is easier due to innovations in health care. Firstly, innovations in health care have helped people to have proper medical care for their children. It is cheaper than ever to offer health care for a child on his or her early stage of life. For example, vaccination costs dropped consistently due to recent innovations on medical methods and equipments. Thus, child mortality has declined significantly over the past decades, especially for developing countries. On the other hand, new technologies have made easier for children to access internet which increased the risk of exposing them to strangers. Children are easily fooled by strangers and parents are not always monitoring their access to internet as they should. For instance, a stranger can convince a child to meet him and do to the child some harm. Consequently, restricting children access to internet can mitigate this risk but will not solve the problem completely. In conclusion, while improvements in health care system have made the task of raising a child easier, internet access presents a risk at the moment children can get in contact with strangers. Therefore, in my opinion the innovations in health care systems outweigh the risk of exposing the children on internet.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in our modern society is harder than in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times, others claim that it is much simpler
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of new inventions. In my opinion, while in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
exposed to
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strangers
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
nowadays is easier due to
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innovations
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have proper medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their
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children
. It is cheaper than ever to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
early stage of life.
For example
, vaccination costs dropped
consistently
due to recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
on medical methods and equipments.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
mortality has declined
significantly
over the past decades,
especially
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

On the other hand
, new technologies have made easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
internet which increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of exposing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strangers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
easily
fooled by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strangers
and parents are not always monitoring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to internet as they should.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stranger
can convince a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
him and do to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harm.
Consequently
, restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to internet can mitigate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will not solve the problem completely.

In conclusion
, while improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
system have made the task of raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
easier, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
presents a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
at the moment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strangers
.
Therefore
, in my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
systems outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of exposing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on internet.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay People argue that raising children in today’s society is more difficult than in the past. Others believe that it is much easier due to all the innovations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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