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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
It is considered by some professionals that international language classes should begin at elementary schools rather than high school. Although, teenagers can still learn these languages at school, however, I strongly believe that it is more beneficial for young children to learn a second language immediately they are enrolled in schools for the following reasons. Firstly, it is easier for children to learn more than one language, thus, they are able to speak and write the language fluently. A recent research of children living with a bilingual parent revealed that, these children are able to understand and are fluent in both languages because of their early exposure. Consequently, if children are exposed to a new language early in school, it will help them to easily learn it and thus, becoming part of them as they grow older. Another point to consider is that elementary schools are now having more pupils from different ethnicity, which means that learning a classmates' language will boost social interaction. Most children will be excited if their native language is being taught in school, it will also help their peers understand their culture, since language and culture are intertwined. This will help build stronger relationships because they will be able to empathize with one another. In conclusion, although young teenagers can still learn a second language in high school, I consider that learning this language at a younger age is more advantageous. This is because it is less demanding for children to learn and they can achieve a native speaker fluency level. Moreover, it builds social connections among their peers.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals that international
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language
classes should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
at elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
rather
than high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
however
, I
strongly
believe that it is more beneficial for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
immediately they
are enrolled
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for the following reasons.

Firstly
, it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
thus
, they are able to speak and write the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
fluently
. A recent research of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living with a bilingual parent revealed that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to understand and are fluent in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their early exposure.
Consequently
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are exposed
to a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
early in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it and
thus
, becoming part of them as they grow older.

Another point to consider is that elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
having more pupils from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ethnicity, which means that learning a classmates'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will boost social interaction. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be excited
if their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
being taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their peers understand their culture, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and culture
are intertwined
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
build stronger relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be able to empathize with one another.

In conclusion
, although young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I consider that learning this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a younger age is more advantageous. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is less demanding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
learn and
they can achieve a native speaker fluency level.
Moreover
, it builds social connections among their peers.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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