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considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. v.1

considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. v. 1
Art forms are beautiful depiction of stories of cultures and traditions from the past. Although art plays a vital role in almost all cultures, only a few in the present day value it while most people are only interested in science, technology and business. The significance of art in our everyday life is diminishing, one of the reasons being focus-shift in technology and business. Efforts from individual scale up of various agencies and government policies can only revive the interest back to the arts. Various art forms depict history and stories of one's culture. Art also elaborates over evolution and can touch our roots from the past. In other words, art relates to various dimensions in a culture and plays a significant role in connecting to a culture's glorified history. Science, business and technology are considered the keys to futuristic approach of the modern world. With the everyday inventions and development, leaving one's trademark has become the focus because nowadays the core objectives are to make money and gain a better standard of living. For example, the globalization has shifted the trends from culture and traditions to competitive economical markets and business empires. Therefore, with the modernisation and advancements, the essence and value of art is blurred out. The history of evolution always motivates and helps to evolve towards future, so, the importance should be paid on the interrelation of art and history with present development. Government can collaborate with local groups to organise themed art exhibitions from time to time at precint levels as well as city level. Scholarships can be offered in various fields of learning or teaching art. Including art as a subject in the university curriculum can also encourage people to participate and take interest in arts which can also be developed as a career option by many. To summarize, even though art is valued in almost all cultures in the world, there has been a focus shift in the recent times and the demography is only keen on learning about science and business. The growing developments are rooted around convenience and considered as effective ways of earning money. Various measures by the educational systems, society, media and government can bring a change and encourage people to take an interest in art.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
forms are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
depiction of stories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions from the past. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays a vital role in almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a few in the present day value it while most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
interested in science, technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. The significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in our everyday life is diminishing, one of the reasons being focus-shift in technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Efforts from individual scale up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
agencies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policies can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
revive the interest back to the arts.

Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
forms depict history and stories of one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
also
elaborates over evolution and can touch our roots from the past.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
relates to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
dimensions in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and plays a significant role in connecting to a culture's glorified history.

Science,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and technology
are considered
the keys to futuristic approach of the modern world. With the everyday inventions and development, leaving one's trademark has become the focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays the core objectives are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and gain a better standard of living.
For example
, the globalization has shifted the trends from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and traditions to competitive economical markets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
empires.
Therefore
, with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
and advancements, the essence and value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is blurred
out.

The history of evolution always motivates and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to evolve towards future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the importance should
be paid
on the interrelation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and history with present development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can collaborate with local groups to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
themed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions from time to time at
Possible spelling mistake found.
precint
levels
as well
as city level. Scholarships can
be offered
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
fields of learning or teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. Including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a subject in the university curriculum can
also
encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to participate and take interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
which can
also
be developed
as a career option by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

To summarize
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is valued
in almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in the world, there has been a focus shift in the recent times and the demography is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
keen on learning about science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. The growing developments
are rooted
around convenience and considered as effective ways of earning money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Various
measures by the educational systems, society, media and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to take an interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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