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Education should be accessible to people of all economic backgrounds. DO you agree or disagree v.1

Education should be accessible to people of all economic backgrounds. v. 1
Education plays a vital role in the development of an individual. Therefore, many think the government should provide free of cost education in schools and colleges to the people of all financial status. I completely agree with the statement mentioned above, and this essay will elaborate my view further with valid reasons and relevant examples. First, education aids open-mindedness. In other words, literate people are broad-minded, and they do not believe in myths prevailing in a society with no logic to support it. For example, in rural areas, love marriage is a sin, while people in urban areas believe in it. This difference is due to a lack of knowledge. Indeed, education brings positivity and promotes logical thinking. Besides, education helps build a strong character in people. It teaches one to be sensitive to other people and use the resources of the country wisely. For instance, recent research conducted by the students of the University of Michigan revealed that countries like Canada with a more literacy rate has a lesser crime rate. Finally, a country becomes a developed nation only when its people, whether rich or poor, are disciplined and hard-working. In conclusion, education brings several advantages such as it curbs orthodox thinking and instills moral and social values among people of any country. Therefore, every government should educate people regardless of their economic background.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays a vital role in the development of an individual.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide free of cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in schools and colleges to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all financial status. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement mentioned above, and this essay will elaborate my view
further
with valid reasons and relevant examples.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
aids open-mindedness.
In other words
, literate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are broad-minded, and they do not believe in myths prevailing in a society with no logic to support it.
For example
, in rural areas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
marriage is a sin, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in urban areas believe in it.

This difference is due to a lack of knowledge.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
brings positivity and promotes logical thinking.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
build a strong character in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It teaches one to be sensitive to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the resources of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
wisely
.
For instance
, recent research conducted by the students of the University of Michigan revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Canada with a more literacy rate has a lesser crime rate.
Finally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
becomes a developed nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whether rich or poor,
are disciplined
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
brings several advantages such as it curbs orthodox thinking and instills moral and social values among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their economic background.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Education should be accessible to people of all economic backgrounds. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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