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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. v.24

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. v. 24
Over the last half-century, the pace of change in the life of human beings has increased dramatically beyond our wildest expectations. This change has been driven by the booming breakthrough in science and technology. This makes the world seem like a small village and necessitates learning a foreign language. The latter facilities communication between people and eases the exchange of knowledge and experience. However, when to start learning a foreign language has been thought to be a contentious issue. Although, there are some commentators who advocate that learning a foreign language should start at high school. I am strongly inclined towards the view that children should be taught foreign language in the elementary schools. Firstly, the intellectual abilities of children make it easy for them to acquire more than one language. For example, a recent study conducted in London has shown that children below 7 years could learn a second language four times faster than those above 15 years. Furthermore, starting to learn a foreign language at a young age allows the student to achieve a higher level of fluency when they become youngster. Consequently, this gives them better opportunities to study overseas or find good careers in the international organizations. On the other hand, a strong argument can be made on the opposite side. Opponents believe that introduction of a foreign language could negatively influence their identity and their speaking of their mother tongue. For instance, a recent study published in Egypt has revealed that pupils who studied in international schools that taught English from grade one got lower marks in Arabic compared to their peers who were taught English later. To sum up, it can be clearly seen that the pros of learning a foreign language in young age outweigh the cons. I do recommend that the ministry of education involves foreign language as an integral part of all the elementary schools.
Over the last half-century, the pace of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the life of human beings has increased
dramatically
beyond our wildest expectations. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been driven
by the booming breakthrough in science and technology. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the world seem like a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village and necessitates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. The latter
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "facilities'" or "facility's"?
facilities
communication between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
the exchange of knowledge and experience.
However
, when to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be a contentious issue.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commentators who advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at high school. I am
strongly
inclined towards the view that children should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the elementary schools.

Firstly
, the intellectual abilities of children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy for them to acquire more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
For example
, a recent study conducted in London has shown that children below 7 years could learn a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
four times faster than those above 15 years.
Furthermore
, starting to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a young age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the student to achieve a higher level of fluency when they become youngster.
Consequently
, this gives them better opportunities to study overseas or find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
careers in the international organizations.

On the other hand
, a strong argument can
be made
on the opposite side. Opponents believe that introduction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
could
negatively
influence their identity and their speaking of their mother tongue.
For instance
, a recent study published in Egypt has revealed that pupils who studied in international schools that taught English from grade one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lower marks in Arabic compared to their peers who
were taught
English later.

To sum up, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in young age outweigh the cons. I do recommend that the ministry of education involves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as an integral part of all the elementary schools.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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