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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.11

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 11
Nowadays, most of the parents are showing interest in buying a large number of toys in different varieties. At times they might think to make their children happy, they have to buy something which they like. I want to discuss more in details why parents are showing interest in buying the toys for their kids. A very few parents, usually buy gifts to encourage their younger ones in studies and they want to involve them in playing themselves in spite of watching the tv and playing the video games. If we take a closer look it is good in one way buying toys for memorable occasions. If kids like toys they will learn a lot from playing with them. In spite of spending time with unnecessary activities it's good to spend time in exploring with their favourite playmates. Despite of all these advantages, there are certain disadvantages too. We will end up with spending more money on buying the toys and there is a chance of children habituated to play with toys than other physical activities. Another disadvantage is they will spread the toys all over the house. Cleaning and arranging home will be a challenging task for parents. I want to conclude by saying how many toys they need we need to buy that many toys only. If we do so we can end up saving some time and money. Due to the above mentioned activity we can let our younger ones know the value of money and best utilization of whatever things we had in our hands.
Nowadays, most of the parents are showing interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties. At
The comma is probably missing here: "times, they".
times they
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children happy, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something which they like.

I want to discuss more in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
why parents are showing interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their kids. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few parents,
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
gifts to encourage their younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studies and
they want to involve them in playing themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
watching the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and playing the video games.

If we take a closer look it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in one way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for memorable occasions.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
kids like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they will learn a lot from playing with them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with unnecessary activities it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in exploring with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
playmates.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
all these advantages, there are certain disadvantages too. We will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with spending more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and there is a chance of children habituated to play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
than other physical activities. Another disadvantage is they will spread the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
all over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Cleaning and arranging home will be a challenging task for parents.

I want
to conclude
by saying how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they need we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. If we do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money. Due to the above mentioned activity we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
know the value of money and best utilization of whatever things we had in our hands.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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