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Influence of human beings on the world ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio diversity? What solution can you suggest. v.2

Influence of human beings on the world ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio diversity? What solution can you suggest. v. 2
Human beings have influenced a lot on the world ecosystem. Mainly, Globalisation is taking place at a rapid pace in this modern world. Firstly, evolution has begun a decade ago and it has impacted a lot on the mankind and nature. Secondly, People are moving towards technology In order to lead a top notch life, therefore neglecting the ecosystem present in the environment. To begin with in recent years we have seen many software companies have been established in the open land where once a variety of species existed. In addition to multinational companies, many industries and educational institutions have been brought up for improving the global economy of the particular area by providing jobs to the people. On the other hand massive unique buildings have been constructed by clearing the forest area which served as a home for distinct breeds. Additionally, deforestation is playing a crucial part which has made living difficult for the animals that are living in the forest area. A major dividend of the Industries depends on the materials obtained from the trees and also animals. This is the reason why humans started hunting the innocent animals for their individual needs. We as humans have to take the responsibility of protecting our wildlife and family and this can only be done when we change our mindset towards animals. Furthermore, awareness campaigns must be raised to impart knowledge about the importance of species in our surroundings. Killing and hunting must be nipped in the bud and the one's caught must be penalised for such criminal acts. To sum it up, it is our duty to take care of them and must be done in such a way that they are protected and preserved a many more years.
Human beings have influenced a lot on the world ecosystem.
Mainly
,
Globalisation
is taking place at a rapid pace in this modern world.
Firstly
, evolution has begun a decade ago and it has impacted a lot on the mankind and nature.
Secondly
,
People
are moving towards technology

In order to lead a
top notch
life,
therefore
neglecting the ecosystem present in the environment.

To
begin
with in recent years we have
seen
many
software
companies
have
been established
in the open land where once a variety of species existed.
In addition
to multinational
companies
,
many
industries and educational institutions have
been brought
up for improving the global economy of the particular area by providing jobs to the
people
.
On the other hand
massive unique buildings have
been constructed
by clearing the forest area which served as a home for distinct breeds.

Additionally
, deforestation is playing a crucial part which has made living difficult for the
animals
that are living in the forest area. A major dividend of the Industries depends on the materials obtained from the trees and
also
animals
. This is the reason why humans
started
hunting the innocent
animals
for their individual needs. We as humans
have to
take the responsibility of protecting our wildlife and family and this can
only
be done
when we
change
our mindset towards
animals
.
Furthermore
, awareness campaigns
must
be raised
to impart knowledge about the importance of species in our surroundings. Killing and hunting
must
be nipped
in the bud and the one's caught
must
be
penalised
for such criminal acts.

To sum it up, it is our duty to take care of them and
must
be done
in such a way that they
are protected
and preserved a
many
more years.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Influence of human beings on the world ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio diversity? What solution can you suggest. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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