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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.16

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 16
There is an on-going debate that children should be introduced to studying a foreign language at an early age rather than when they get to secondary school. In my opinion, I believe that the merits of learning different languages at an early era, such as exposure to other cultures and outstanding academic performance outweighs the demerits that may come with it. Admittedly, it has been argued by some people that the introduction of foreign languages at a tender age may be burdensome for children and they may also confuse foreign tongue with their native tongue. Hence, it is better to allow them to grow older before introducing them to different dialect. Additionally, some people believed that it takes longer time and it is more costly to learn new languages as teenagers in secondary than when in primary schools. Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that it is easier for children to learn new languages earlier than when they are much older. In addition, the introduction of foreign languages has been attributed to outstanding academic performance in children. It should be noted that recent research carried out by the World Health Organisation have shown that children with cognitive capacity is higher in younger age hence their ability to quickly master new languages. For instance, when my sister travelled to France some years back, it was easier for their two children to quickly adapt and communicate in French than the parents. Conclusively, despite the numerous merits of learning foreign languages in primary school, I am of the opinion that the demerits in terms of being burdensome and time consumption is less when compared with the merit
There is an
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
debate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be introduced
to studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at an early age
rather
than when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to secondary school. In my opinion, I believe that the merits of learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at an early era, such as exposure to other cultures and outstanding academic performance outweighs the demerits that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with it.

Admittedly
, it has
been argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at a tender age may be burdensome for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they may
also
confuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
tongue with their native tongue.
Hence
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to grow older
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
introducing them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
dialect.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that it takes longer time and it is more costly to learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in secondary than when in primary schools.

Nevertheless
, I am of the opinion that it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
earlier than when they are much older.
In addition
, the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
has
been attributed
to outstanding academic performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It should
be noted
that recent research carried out by the World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with cognitive capacity is higher in younger age
hence
their ability to
quickly
master new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
For instance
, when my sister travelled to France
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years back, it was easier for their two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
quickly
adapt and communicate in French than the parents.

Conclusively
, despite the numerous merits of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in primary school, I am of the opinion that the demerits in terms of being burdensome and time consumption is less when compared with the merit
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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