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Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 2
In the present scenario, health problems are increasing a due to more fast food consumption. Certain people believe that wellness awareness education is the best way to reduce this problem. While, others argue that the wellness knowledge would not be enough to tackle the issue. Firstly, this essay will discuss how the fitness education inspired people to change their eating habit and secondly, why few people think that it is not a good idea. Lastly, this essay will state the opinion in the favour of the teaching people about different eating habit. On the one hand, Fitness knowledge increases the willingness to reduce the future menace and make present life free from ant tension. For example, the fitness department of the UK said that 70% people are willing to take some action after awareness information as today's generation are more focused on maintaining their body posture. On the other hand, some have views that providing education would not work because of the various reasons. First of all, very few people listen to others advices and show the interest in making some changes in life because of their stubborn nature. For instance, In the India, 80% people love to eat a variety of meals beside refrain from having a favourite snack just because of the health pitfalls. In my opinion, just like a schooling method, here also providing information would be helpful to some extent. However, there are certain people who do not obey or follow the instruction, but at some point in life they may realise the importance of eating healthy food in comparison to junk food. In conclusion, Well being is indeed requirement for longer living and hence, we should find each and every possible way to inform the community and make them aware of future danger. Therefore, government and individual as well have to take some action because without each other support not a single project will get success.
In the present scenario, health problems are increasing a due to more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food consumption. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that wellness awareness education is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this problem.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, others argue that the wellness knowledge would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to tackle the issue.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss how the fitness education inspired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their eating habit and
secondly
, why few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Lastly
, this essay will state the opinion in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
eating habit.

On the one hand, Fitness knowledge increases the willingness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the future menace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
present life free from ant tension.
For example
, the fitness department of the UK said that 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action after awareness information as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation are more focused on maintaining their body posture.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have views that providing education would not work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the various reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to others advices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the interest in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their stubborn nature.
For instance
, In the India, 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to eat a variety of meals beside refrain from having a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
snack
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the health pitfalls.

In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a schooling method, here
also
providing information would be helpful to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
However
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not obey or follow the instruction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point in life they may
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the importance of eating healthy food
in comparison
to junk food.

In conclusion
, Well being is
indeed
requirement for longer living and
hence
, we should find each and every possible way to inform the community and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware of future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individual
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
support not a single project will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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