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Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the *causes* of this? What are the *effects* of this on individuals and on the society? " v.6

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the *causes* of this? What are the *effects* of this on individuals and on the society? " v. 6
In this modern state, the majority of the populace spends far less schedule with their loved ones. In this essay, I will give insights into the causes such as science and technology for example, mobile phones, jobs and the negativity in the community such as increased divorce rate and other social vices. Firstly, the discovery and innovation of mobile phones, online games and social media have become known reasons, while even during social gatherings, people find it difficult to speak and interact. Facebook, WhatsApp and other platforms have taken over meetings and romantic moments in various homes and family events. This has in a lot of ways to put the bond within a family at a stretch. In most cases, a husband who can't have any private discussion with the wife will as well be unable to monitor and check the life of the children. The lack of attention, tears family apart, leading to poor upbringing of children and divorce among the parent. Secondly, it is evidence that things are a bit hard and survival has become for the fittest. In recent setup, the parent is engaged in a 8: 00am to probably 5-6: 00pm jobs, which they have to leave their dormitory as early as 5: 00am to skip the traffic and getting back home later into the night not earlier than 9: 00pm. The work most times extend to Saturdays and the only day available is Sunday, which is already fixed for various religious and family activities. The best time to check if the kids have done their homework or carried out some house chores is not there. The time to familiarise with them, correct their wrong notions and ideas, the forerunner is unavoidable absent. This absence will create a vacuum of lack of guidance which effect on the society breeds thuggery and social sex workers. In a nutshell, the lesser the time created by progenitors for the offsprings or for each other at home has caused the increased failed marriages, breeds more street urchins and supposedly called night crawlers yet it continues to endanger our society to the problems such as adultery, robbery and so on we are battling with.
In this modern state, the majority of the populace spends far less schedule with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. In this essay, I will give insights into the causes such as science and technology
for example
, mobile phones, jobs and the negativity in the community such as increased divorce rate and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
vices.

Firstly
, the discovery and innovation of mobile phones, online games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media have become known reasons, while even during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it difficult to speak and interact. Facebook, WhatsApp and other platforms have taken over meetings and romantic moments in various homes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This has in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ways to put the bond within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
at a stretch.
In most cases
, a husband who can't have any private discussion with the wife will
as well
be unable to monitor and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the life of the children. The lack of attention, tears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
apart, leading to poor upbringing of children and divorce among the parent.

Secondly
, it is evidence that things are a bit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and survival has become for the fittest. In recent setup, the parent
is engaged
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
8: 00am to
probably
5-6: 00pm jobs, which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their dormitory as early as 5: 00am to skip the traffic and getting back home later into the night not earlier than 9: 00pm. The work most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
extend to Saturdays and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
day available is Sunday, which is already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
for various religious and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
activities. The best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
if the kids have done their homework or carried out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores is not there.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarise' is British English.
familiarise
with them, correct their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
notions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, the forerunner is unavoidable absent. This absence will create a vacuum of lack of guidance which effect on the society breeds thuggery and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sex workers.

In a nutshell, the lesser the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
created by progenitors for the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
or for each other at home has caused the increased failed marriages, breeds more street urchins and
supposedly
called night crawlers
yet
it continues to endanger our society to the problems such as adultery, robbery and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on we are battling with.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the *causes* of this? What are the *effects* of this on individuals and on the society? " v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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