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Some experts believe it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some experts believe it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, learning a foreign language has considered as a pivotal feature for better future. It is often regarded that it is more advantageous to start learning a foreign sound at an early stage of life instead of learning it at a later stage. I entirely agree with this and I think that it is much more significant for children to learn a second tongue at primary school. In the following lines, it will be further explained. To begin with, learning a foreign language for offspring has myriad merits. One of them is that children will learn much faster and fluently when they start learning it at primary school. Because they are less tensed about the time and their future; the more persons raise, the more they became stressful. For instance, according to a research study at Cambridge University, 60% of children around the world learn faster at an early age stage of their life rather than a later stage. Thus, it is recommended that parents ought to learn their dependents a foreign tongue at primary school so as not to find difficulty in learning it when they grow. In addition to that, there is a relation between independence and educating a foreign language for children at primary school. In other words, if they learn a foreign language at primary school, they can depend on themselves by working a part time occupation, which depends on fluency in a certain language, besides their study at high school. This can lead to having a great impact on their character because of the experience they gain. For example, according to an article published in Alhram newspaper, 30% of customer service representatives are teenagers, and these teenagers have controlled their lives more than the ones who still depend on their families. Consequently, it is recommended that public figures aware people about the effect of learning languages at an early age on youngster’s character in the future. Nevertheless, the only drawback of learning a second language is that children may lose their identity. Because when the focus on other languages, they may forget how to speak their native language fluently. For instance, once in a show presented on BCC channel, interviewer Richard St. John said” 40% of youngsters, especially in Arabian countries nowadays cannot talk their mother tongue because their parent have attached them to an international school, focus on educating them the most famous world language and do not educate them in their mother language”. Thus, parents have to make balance between learning a foreign language and mother's voice for their dependents. Having illustrated the aforementioned ideas above, it can be concluded that the benefits of learning languages at an early age surpasses the drawback of it, and I strongly believe in this. Consequently, it is recommended that the media give more attention to the effect of learning a second language and eager parents to educate their children.
Nowadays,
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learning
a
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foreign
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language
has considered as a pivotal feature for better future. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded that it is more advantageous to
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start
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learning
a
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foreign
sound at an
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early
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stage
of life
instead
of
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learning
it at a later
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stage
. I
entirely
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agree
with this and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is much more significant for
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children
to
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learn
a second tongue at
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primary
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school
. In the following lines, it will be
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

To
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begin
with,
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learning
a
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foreign
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language
for offspring has myriad merits. One of them is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
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learn
much faster and
fluently
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
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learning
it at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
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school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they are less tensed about the time and their future; the more persons raise, the more they became stressful.
For instance
, according to a research study at Cambridge University, 60% of
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children
around the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
faster at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of their life
rather
than a later
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stage
.
Thus
, it
is recommended
that
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parents
ought to
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learn
their dependents a
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foreign
tongue at
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primary
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school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as not to find difficulty in
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learning
it when they grow.

In addition
to that, there is a relation between independence and educating a
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foreign
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language
for
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children
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
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school
.
In other words
, if they
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learn
a
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they can depend on themselves by working a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
occupation, which depends on fluency in a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
besides
their study at high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This can lead to having a great impact on their character
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the experience they gain.
For example
, according to an article published in
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Alhram
newspaper, 30% of customer service representatives are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have controlled their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more than the ones who
still
depend on their families.
Consequently
, it
is recommended
that public figures aware
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the effect of
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learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age on youngster’s character in the future.

Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
drawback of
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learning
a second
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language
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may lose their identity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when the focus on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, they may forget how to speak their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
fluently
.
For instance
, once in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
presented on BCC channel, interviewer Richard St. John said” 40% of youngsters,
especially
in Arabian countries nowadays cannot talk their mother tongue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
have attached them to an international
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school
, focus on educating them the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
world
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language
and do not educate them in their mother
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language”
.
Thus
,
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parents
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have to
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make
balance between
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learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and mother's voice for their dependents.

Having illustrated the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
above, it can
be concluded
that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age surpasses the drawback of it, and I
strongly
believe in this.
Consequently
, it
is recommended
that the media give more attention to the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and eager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
67Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some experts believe it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
483 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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