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Some environmentalists have advocated building wildlife sanctuaries to protect endangered species. Discuss the Advantages and disadvantages of doing this. v.2

Some environmentalists have advocated building wildlife sanctuaries to protect endangered species. Discuss the Advantages and disadvantages of doing this. v. 2
There are many ways to protect wildlife in our community, the country, and the world. With the human expansion and their nature exploitation, it became a vitality to find sanctuary for indigenous life. The ecologists concern for wildlife sanctuaries to protect endangered species. In this essay, we can discuss the pros and cons of this demand. First of all, Earth is a place which is not only for the benefit of humans but also for every organism. The main necessity of protecting the genus is to maintain the food chain cycle. Wildlife Sanctuary, is a natural habitat, owned by the government or private agency, that safeguards particular breeds of birds and animals. Secondly, there are several revenue-earning opportunities with the preservation of animals and plants which poses threat. For example, over $35 million in revenues come through Yellowstone National Park each year, because of the return of the wolves there. Thirdly, the benefits of maintaining healthy natural world helps in preventing erosion, establishing nurseries, and managing waste. Furthermore, there are several species currently being studied because of their potential medical benefits can be shielded within the parks. For instance, Desert pupfish might offer future treatments for kidney disease, while black bears could offer osteoporosis help. Disadvantage is that conservation requires high financial support and it is unfeasible under the scenario of the hiking population. Perhaps the current wildlife conservation actions are doing more harm than good. For example, Inuka- a tropical polar bear brought to Singapore Zoo, its fur often turned green from time to time, due to algae growth. While hugely popular, his presence has been a subject of controversy among conservationists and animal activists. Animals that live in close proximity to one another face higher risks of infection than do individuals, which increases sickness and diseases, which can even be transferred to humans. Nevertheless, animals typically do not live as long in zoos as they would in the wild. To conclude, safeguarding the vulnerable race has to be considered as our duty being a reason that, humans are the main culprit in the deterioration of the environment. A well-balanced ecosphere purifies the environment, giving us clean air to breathe, a healthy water system to support diverse marine life, and arable land for agricultural production. To keep up a balanced life cycle, it is important to safe keep the species which is subjecting to vanishing.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
in our community, the country, and the world. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
expansion and their nature exploitation, it became a vitality to find sanctuary for indigenous life. The ecologists concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
sanctuaries to protect endangered species. In this essay, we can discuss the pros and cons of this demand.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Earth is a place which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for every organism. The main necessity of protecting the genus is to maintain the food chain cycle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wildlife
Sanctuary, is a natural habitat,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or private agency, that safeguards particular breeds of birds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Secondly
, there are several revenue-earning opportunities with the preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and plants which poses threat.
For example
, over $35 million in revenues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
through Yellowstone National Park each year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the return of the wolves there.
Thirdly
, the benefits of maintaining healthy natural world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in preventing erosion, establishing nurseries, and managing waste.
Furthermore
, there are several species
currently
being studied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their potential medical benefits can
be shielded
within the parks.
For instance
, Desert
Possible spelling mistake found.
pupfish
might offer future treatments for kidney disease, while black bears could offer osteoporosis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Disadvantage is that conservation requires high financial support and it is unfeasible under the scenario of the hiking population. Perhaps the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
conservation actions are doing more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inuka
- a tropical polar bear brought to Singapore Zoo, its fur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
turned green from time to time, due to algae growth. While
hugely
popular, his presence has been a subject of controversy among conservationists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
activists.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
to one another face higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of infection than do individuals, which increases sickness and diseases, which can even
be transferred
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
typically
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as long in zoos as they would in the wild.

To conclude
, safeguarding the vulnerable race
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be considered
as our duty being a reason that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are the main culprit in the deterioration of the environment. A well-balanced
Possible spelling mistake found.
ecosphere
purifies the environment, giving us clean air to breathe, a healthy water system to support diverse marine life, and arable land for agricultural production. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up a balanced life cycle, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to safe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the species which is subjecting to vanishing.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some environmentalists have advocated building wildlife sanctuaries to protect endangered species. Discuss the Advantages and disadvantages of doing this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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