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Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion v.3

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion v. 3
Nowadays, health plays an indispensable role in human life. While some managers, finance their staffs with the gym and sport club memberships as they believe that this bestowed a myriad of benefits for work, other employers argued that there is no use in doing this. On the one hand, the idea that employers should provide subsidised membership of gyms and sport clubs for their worker is favoured due to several reasons. Firstly, it is clear that the improvement of workers’ physical health may lead to the growth of productivity. Besides, this can help them balance their work life balance. For example, a staff will work more efficiently if they have time to diminish their stress, which is better to compare to those who spend a huge time on working without physical activities. Secondly, by participating in gym and sport centres, ones’ job satisfaction will increase. In order words, employees would perceive themselves more valuable and thus become more attached to their work places. On the other hand, there are several reasons why memberships at gyms would not be beneficial for the company. Firstly, the price paid for being a member of sport centres may be costly which will cut short unnecessarily company’s funding. This means that funding that once allocated for the development of the company will now use for the sake of employees which do not contribute directly to the performance of the company. Furthermore, workers should concentrate on their vital projects to complete the mission given by employers rather than taking an enormous amount of time to play sports. For example, if memberships are given, some employees might lose focus on their job, bringing negative impact to the overall results of the whole company. In conclusion, although supporting the staffs to apply for a gym or sports club is essential, the cons of approving this policy may worth considering.
Nowadays, health plays an indispensable role in human life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
managers, finance their staffs with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memberships
as they believe that this bestowed a myriad of benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, other employers argued that there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in doing this.

On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that employers should provide
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidised' is British English.
subsidised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
clubs for their worker is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
due to several reasons.
Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the improvement of workers’ physical health may lead to the growth of productivity.
Besides
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them balance their
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance.
For example
, a staff will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
efficiently
if they have time to diminish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which is better to compare to those who spend a huge time on working without physical activities.
Secondly
, by participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, ones’ job satisfaction will increase. In order words, employees would perceive themselves more valuable and
thus
become more attached to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memberships
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
would not be beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Firstly
, the price paid for being a member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
may be costly which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
short
unnecessarily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
funding. This means that funding that once allocated for the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for the sake of employees which do not contribute
directly
to the performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Furthermore
, workers should concentrate on their vital projects to complete the mission
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by employers
rather
than taking an enormous amount of time to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memberships
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees might lose focus on their job, bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to the
overall
results of the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, although supporting the staffs to apply for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club is essential, the cons of approving this policy may worth considering.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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