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Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v.4

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v. 4
At the beginning, employers are always seeking ways to enhance their employees’ productivity and subsidizing healthy pursuits may be one way of achieving this. However, other CEOs and financial consultants believe that investing in ongoing training courses is more beneficial for a company than a healthy lifestyle of workers. On the one hand, it might be said that if employees are fitter and less stressed, they will be more efficient, leading to higher levels of output and service. Furthermore, the work-life balance of the staff will hopefully be improved, because their leisure time will be more fulfilling. It is also believed that encouraging employees to work out is motivating people to accomplish high purposes and can be more beneficial than pay increments, perks or financial rewards such as bonuses and incentives. Finally, feeling healthier may lead to better job satisfaction, which is in itself a motivating factor. On the other hand, some financial directors believe that target-related payments are more beneficial than subsidizing workers’ fitness bills. In this way, many workers’ job prospects and career progression will be increased. For example, in Japan, many companies only pay for employee training courses, which is helping them reduce the risk of redundancy if the company restructures, downsizes or outsources its workforce. To conclude, while health-related subsidies are superficially attractive, alternative ways of increasing productivity, such as funding, training courses and encouraging staff to gain knowledge are more beneficial for companies. Spending funds for ongoing training would appear to be a better use of company or Human Resources budgets.
At the beginning, employers are always seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
productivity and subsidizing healthy pursuits may be one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of achieving this.
However
, other CEOs and financial consultants believe that investing in ongoing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
courses is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
than a healthy lifestyle of workers.

On the one hand, it might
be said
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are fitter and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, they will be more efficient, leading to higher levels of output and service.
Furthermore
, the work-life balance of the staff will
hopefully
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their leisure time will be more fulfilling. It is
also
believed that encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to work out is motivating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to accomplish high purposes and can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
than pay increments, perks or financial rewards such as bonuses and incentives.
Finally
, feeling healthier may lead to better job satisfaction, which is in itself a motivating factor.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial directors believe that target-related payments are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
than subsidizing workers’ fitness bills. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers’ job prospects and career progression will
be increased
.
For example
, in Japan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
courses, which is helping them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of redundancy if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
restructures, downsizes or outsources its workforce.

To conclude
, while health-related subsidies are
superficially
attractive, alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of increasing productivity, such as funding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
courses and encouraging staff to gain knowledge are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Spending funds for ongoing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
would appear to be a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or Human Resources budgets.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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