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Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v. 1
As we all know, health care plays an important role in our life. For this reason, many enterprises offer their staffs subsidized memberships of gymnastics and sports clubs. This trend leads to the appearance of two opposite views. While many people believe that this welfare will provide a lot of benefits, others oppose it because they see no advantage in doing so. From my perspective, supporting staff in paying for their healthy memberships has more good than bad. The option to offer many subsidies related to health care is beneficial for several reasons. First of all, playing sports helps humans release stress, boost their mood, and promote better sleep. With a lot of powers, employees can pay full attention to their works and make job performances higher. At the same time, it is undeniable that work-life balance of workers will probably be improved. If the staffs are less tired of deadlines, the work environment will become more energetic, full of laughter and happiness. As Thomas Carlyle said: “He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything. ” On the other hand, supporting workers with lots of subsidies memberships of sports clubs and gym have a negative face. Many companies offer better welfare for long-term employees. The particular reason for this circumstance is they have contributed a lot to them. It is true but it can easily lead to an embarrassing situation such as people who don’t have as many subsidies as others will be jealous, which means team spirits between them can be affected. Considering some problems, expenses which are used for support can affect other things like job training, job opportunities, perks, . etc To sum up, although a company with many health welfares is more appealing, employees should be loyal with the organizations that they are working for. Besides healthy memberships, hardworking persons deserve to receive many different kinds of subsidies.
As we all know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our life.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
enterprises offer their staffs subsidized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memberships
of gymnastics and sports clubs. This trend leads to the appearance of two opposite views. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this welfare will provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of benefits, others oppose it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
no advantage in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. From my perspective, supporting staff in paying for their healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memberships
has more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

The option to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care is beneficial for several reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, playing sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
humans release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, boost their mood, and promote better sleep. With a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of powers, employees can pay full attention to their works and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
job performances higher. At the same time, it is undeniable that work-life balance of workers will
probably
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. If the staffs are less tired of deadlines, the work environment will become more energetic, full of laughter and happiness. As Thomas Carlyle said: “He who has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything. ”

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, supporting workers with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memberships
of sports clubs and gym have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
face.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer better welfare for long-term employees. The particular reason for this circumstance is they have contributed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to them. It is true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
easily
lead to an embarrassing situation such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who don’t have as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
as others will be jealous, which means team spirits between them can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. Considering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems, expenses which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for support can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things like job training, job opportunities, perks
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
etc


To sum up, although a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
welfares
is more appealing, employees should be loyal with the organizations that they are working for.
Besides
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memberships
, hardworking persons deserve to receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
.
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IELTS essay Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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