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Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from Prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v.2

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from Prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v. 2
It is true that many criminals engage them in more criminal activities after discharging from the jail. There could be some reasons for such a choice, and I believe that both government and individual should take steps to deter them from prior lifestyle. Unemployment is the main issue of prisoners after an imprisonment. Most employers would refuse them to recruit for past criminal records, and they fail to earn money for living. However, it will easier for them to earn money if they reunite with old criminal groups and involve in illegal work. Thus, they would proceed with more criminal activities for earning money. A recent survey shows that in America, 30% of hijackings have done by criminals who were in police custody for different periods. Therefore, we could argue that lack of job opportunity encourage criminals to carry out more crimes after a period of punishment. Both government and individuals should tackle above mentioned issue with some steps in order to reduce their crime tendency. The government can implement any rehabilitation program for prisoners in the jail, which will offer them to self correction by consulting with a psychologist. For Example, In Norway women’s jails provide such a program that weekly once or twice have to consult with a psychologist and improving their disturbing thought. This helps criminals to find the way of dispelling from the crime habit. In addition, as a member of society we should appreciate them if they want to work rather than reject for criminal records. It will solve their unemployment issues as well as surviving cost. In conclusion, both government and people must play their part to divert the law breakers from additional criminal activities after releasing from prison.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
engage them in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities after discharging from the jail. There could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for such a choice, and I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individual should take steps to deter them from prior lifestyle.

Unemployment is the main issue of prisoners after an imprisonment. Most employers would refuse them to recruit for past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
records, and they fail to earn money for living.
However
, it will easier for them to earn money if they reunite with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
groups and involve in illegal work.
Thus
, they would proceed with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities for earning money. A recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in America, 30% of hijackings have done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who were in police custody for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
periods.
Therefore
, we could argue that lack of job opportunity encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to carry out more crimes after a period of punishment.

Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals should tackle above mentioned issue with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their crime tendency. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can implement any rehabilitation program for prisoners in the jail, which will offer them to self correction by consulting with a psychologist.
For Example
, In Norway women’s jails provide such a program that weekly once or twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consult with a psychologist and improving their disturbing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to find the way of dispelling from the crime habit.
In addition
, as a member of society we should appreciate them if they want to work
rather
than reject for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
records. It will solve their unemployment issues
as well
as surviving cost.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play their part to divert the law breakers from additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities after releasing from prison.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from Prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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