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Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefits teenagers at the school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefits teenagers at the school. v. 1
It is argued that international student exchange programs benefit all participants. While there are some drawbacks of these programs, I would argue that their advantages outweigh disadvantages. On the one hand, there are varieties of disadvantages for students who study abroad. Firstly, the cost of these programs is expensive that students in underdeveloped countries cannot afford. Secondly, students who go abroad are likely to fall behind with their studies when coming back to their home countries. This is because they may find it hard to catch up with their classmates or even repeat a semester. Finally, they could experience culture shock during the time they are living in other nations. This may result in these adolescents being disoriented and homesick. Which in turn may adversely affect their studies. On the other hand, I would argue that international student exchange programs are beneficial due to these advantages beneath. One main advantage is that students of these programs often stand a higher chance of improving their language proficiency. For example, imagine that you are in another country and you have to speak with foreigners on a daily basis. This may result in increasing your language acquisition. On top of that, developed countries have better education systems. Therefore, their university qualifications are accepted all over the world. This may help students who study overseas have more opportunities in order to climb up the career ladder in the future. Additionally, these programs could help students enrich their knowledge and broaden their outlook on life owing to the differences among the two countries and that human being. In conclusion, although students exchange programs could face with some drawbacks, I believe that they are outweighed by the disadvantages.
It
is argued
that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
benefit all participants. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, I would argue that their advantages outweigh disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are varieties of disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who study abroad.
Firstly
, the cost of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
is expensive that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cannot afford.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who go abroad are likely to fall behind with their studies when coming back to their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to catch up with their classmates or even repeat a semester.
Finally
, they could experience culture shock during the time they are living in other nations. This may result in these adolescents
being disoriented
and homesick.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
in turn may
adversely
affect their studies.

On the other hand
, I would argue that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are beneficial due to these advantages beneath. One main advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
stand a higher chance of improving their language proficiency.
For example
, imagine that you are in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
speak with foreigners on a daily basis. This may result in increasing your language acquisition.
On top of that
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have better education systems.
Therefore
, their university qualifications are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
all over the world. This may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who study overseas have more opportunities in order to climb up the career ladder in the future.
Additionally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrich their knowledge and broaden their outlook on life owing to the differences among the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and that human being.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
could face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, I believe that they
are outweighed
by the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefits teenagers at the school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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