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Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at school. v. 1
It is thought by some people that the exchange of foreign students would improve adolescents’ academic skills, leading them to have a better mindset. Nowadays the students, with the now unceasing globalization, have the chance to travel everywhere discovering new cultures, but not everyone could agree to leave their country. One evident benefit for students to travelling for an exchange visit is that they would able to meet their peers around the world. In other words, the adolescents who will undertake this experience, they will find pleasure to discovering a new culture, language and a different lifestyle, which will broaden their mindset forever. Many schools have become international, especially in the USA, some have a specific program, which allows many teenagers with academic abilities to spend a year of their course in Europe or in one partner school. The students who took advantage of this opportunity, developed higher capability than their classmates enriching their cultural background. On the other hand, not all teenagers are fit to do this trip. Firstly, students that have never travelled could have a culture shock, which means that they take longer to settle in the new country. Many educationalists have expressed their opinion and have recorded that the most difficult aspect for the students is the lack of the family, which causes them a sense of unease and inadequacy. Also, the nutrition played an important role, for instance, ninety per cent of Italian adolescents, who spend their foreign year in the USA, come back in Italy fatter than before. In conclusion, international exchange, obviously has some good and bad aspects, but it also depends on how the teenagers tackle this challenge.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the exchange of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
adolescents’ academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, leading them to have a better mindset. Nowadays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
unceasing globalization, have the chance to travel everywhere discovering new cultures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everyone could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their country.

One evident benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to travelling for an exchange visit is that they
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their peers around the world.
In other words
, the adolescents who will undertake this experience, they will find pleasure to discovering a new culture, language and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyle, which will broaden their mindset forever.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
schools have become international,
especially
in the USA,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have a specific program, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
with academic abilities to spend a year of their course in Europe or in one partner school. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who took advantage of this opportunity, developed higher capability than their classmates enriching their cultural background.

On the other hand
, not all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are fit
to do this trip.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that have never travelled could have a culture shock, which means that they take longer to settle in the new country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
educationalists have expressed their opinion and have recorded that the most difficult aspect for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is the lack of the family, which causes them a sense of unease and inadequacy.
Also
, the nutrition played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role,
for instance
, ninety per cent of Italian adolescents, who spend their foreign year in the USA,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back in Italy fatter than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In conclusion
, international exchange,
obviously
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
depends on how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
tackle this challenge.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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