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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.11

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders to serve society. v. 11
Although youngsters were encouraged to work as soon as they could, the recent decades have seen a rise in the number of teenagers who want to take a higher-level course at the college. It seems they want to be a literate person that can be much more useful to minister their association. That is to say, some members of public reckon the most suitable time to commence a vocation is youth. Young people are motivated by their parents to start a money maker profession. They try to learn that vocation pragmatically. Learning process takes a long time until they become an expert in their business. Making money is the primary reason for this procedure. There are numerous poor families which do not have an enough budget to feed their children, so they will be employed to any career by their parents. Their family cannot be survived unless children earn money. Not only does their job extremely essential for the whole family members, but it also is one of the most crucial requirements in each community. On the other hand, most individuals and I believe that students who finish their high school course should continue their studies at a university. It seems to do a course which includes both theoretical and practical units can dramatically ameliorate a person’s internal skill. Furthermore, by completing academic education, they can enter any work related to their field of study in the best possible way, according to the latest information in the world. If they enter a job, they already know the theoretical and practical information about that profession by passing the different workshops and practical courses of the university, and they have gained some practical experience there. By strengthening information and gaining more experience, these people can become one of the most successful people in their desired position. To sum up, most individuals’ opinions are that youthful individuals ought to go to college to assist their instruction, whereas others feel they ought to be energized to work as construction workers and car repairman to be effective in their association.
Although youngsters
were encouraged
to work as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they could, the recent decades have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rise in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who want to take a higher-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
at the college. It seems they want to be a literate person that can be much more useful to minister their association.

That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
members of public reckon the most suitable time to commence a vocation is youth. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are motivated
by their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a money maker profession. They try to learn that vocation
pragmatically
. Learning process takes a long time until they become an expert in their business. Making money is the primary reason for this procedure. There are numerous poor families which do not have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
budget to feed their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
be employed
to any career by their parents. Their family cannot
be survived
unless children earn money. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does their job
extremely
essential for the whole family members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
is one of the most crucial requirements in each community.

On the other hand
, most individuals and I believe that students who finish their high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
should continue their studies at a university. It seems to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
which includes both theoretical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
units can
dramatically
ameliorate a person’s internal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Furthermore
, by completing academic education, they can enter any work related to their field of study in the best possible way, according to the latest information in the world. If they enter a job, they already know the theoretical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
information about that profession by passing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
workshops and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
of the university, and they have gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
experience there. By strengthening information and gaining more experience, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can become one of the most successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their desired position.

To sum up, most individuals’ opinions are that youthful individuals ought to go to college to assist their instruction, whereas others feel they ought to
be energized
to work as construction workers and car repairman to be effective in their association.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders to serve society. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.11