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Some cultures value elderly people more, while other cultures value the youth more. Discuss both approaches and give your own opinion. v.2

Some cultures value elderly people more, while other cultures value the youth more. v. 2
In the current time of technological advancement; one of the most pressing concerns regarding the given topic relates to values. A particular topic asserts that which generation has the more value in their culture; older and younger? Through this essay, I shall explore the dimensions and assertions of this topic and shape up my opinion by the end. Taking one side of the argument, there are some people who believe that standard of old people is superior than young ones. They bolster their view point by claiming that old generation have long experience of their life and they have faced various ups and downs. Moreover, they can tackle every problem wisely through their life experience. Apart from that, youngsters do not have much sense to do any work therefore, they are too guided by the old people. For instance, in the joint family, parents or even children take opinions and suggestions from their grandparents because they are wiser enough. On the flip side, there are some people of different cultures who believe that youth is considered as superior than older ones in terms of values. They believe that in this modern culture, everything has been changed, youngsters are more innovative and creative thinkers along with the latest technicall skills. They can easily tackle any problem because they know how to handle the obstacles. For instance, in the United States of America, the government has given free education to youngsters so they can easily study without any worries. Nevertheless, weighing both the opinions, I tend to believe that even youth is the future of every culture and nation however, older people are also a precious asset of the culture. People should give equal respect and value to both generations irrespective of age or gender.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time of technological advancement; one of the most pressing concerns regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topic relates to values. A particular topic asserts that which generation has the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
; older and younger? Through this essay, I shall explore the dimensions and assertions of this topic and shape up my opinion by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Taking one side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that standard of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
Some adjectives derived from Latin act as both adjective and comparative. In these cases use the collocation 'to'
superior than
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. They bolster their view point by claiming that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation have long
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "experienced".
experience
of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they have faced various ups and downs.
Moreover
, they can tackle every problem
wisely
through their life experience. Apart from that, youngsters do not have much sense to do any work
therefore
, they are too guided by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, in the joint family, parents or even children take opinions and suggestions from their grandparents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are wiser
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

On the flip side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that youth
is considered
as
Some adjectives derived from Latin act as both adjective and comparative. In these cases use the collocation 'to'
superior than
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in terms of values. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that in this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, everything has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, youngsters are more innovative and creative thinkers along with the latest
Possible spelling mistake found.
technicall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They can
easily
tackle any problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know how to handle the obstacles.
For instance
, in the United States of America, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
free education to youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
easily
study without any worries.

Nevertheless
, weighing both the opinions, I tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that even youth is the future of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and nation
however
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
a precious asset of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should give equal respect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
to both generations irrespective of age or gender.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some cultures value elderly people more, while other cultures value the youth more. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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