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In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some cultures youth are more valued. Discuss both views v.1

In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some cultures youth are more valued. 1
It is a debatable issue whether the later years of growth are more valuable or the young life. In my opinion, since youth is a period for attaining goals, I consider it to be a more precious stage in an individual's growth. On the one hand, during the old period, people have more leisure moment, which enables them to perform the desirable activities. In other words, they spend most of the life while working for fulfilling the responsibilities toward the families, such as providing better education and lifestyle to children, and for this pursuit, they often sacrifice their own preferences. However, after the retirement they can enjoy playing favourite games, watching movies, devoting time for hobbies and visiting relatives, leading to complacency. Conversely, I disagree with this view because older people often confront with various health problems owing to which it becomes difficult for them to indulge in all the above-mentioned activities. On the other hand, youth provides opportunities to achieve the ambitions, which makes people independent as well as confident. To illustrate, youngsters are energetic and enthusiastic, and they effectively prove their mettle and propensity by working hard, which enables them to stabilize in the professional the professional life. As a result, they become the respectable member of the society. For instance, a survey conducted by the University of Texas on two thousand senior citizens in America reveals that 79% of them consider the young age more important because during this phase they established their identity. To conclude, while people have different opinions, I personally believe that the young step is an indispensable moment of growth because people can fulfil their dreams of making more efforts and overcoming the impediments during this phase.
It is a debatable issue whether the later years of growth are more valuable or the young life. In my opinion, since youth is a period for attaining goals, I consider it to be a more precious stage in an individual's growth.

On the one hand, during the
old
period,
people
have more leisure moment, which enables them to perform the desirable activities.
In other words
, they spend most of the life while working for fulfilling the responsibilities toward the families, such as providing better education and lifestyle to children, and for this pursuit, they
often
sacrifice their
own
preferences.
However
, after the retirement they can enjoy playing
favourite
games, watching movies, devoting time for hobbies and visiting relatives, leading to complacency.
Conversely
, I disagree with this view
because
older
people
often
confront with various health problems owing to which it becomes difficult for them to indulge in all the above-mentioned activities.

On the other hand
, youth provides opportunities to achieve the ambitions, which
makes
people
independent
as well
as confident. To illustrate, youngsters are energetic and enthusiastic, and they
effectively
prove their mettle and propensity by working
hard
, which enables them to stabilize in
the professional the professional
life.
As a result
, they become the respectable member of the society.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the University of Texas on two thousand senior citizens in America reveals that 79% of them consider the young age more
important
because
during this phase they established their identity.

To conclude
, while
people
have
different
opinions, I
personally
believe that the young step is an indispensable moment of growth
because
people
can fulfil their dreams of making more efforts and overcoming the impediments during this phase.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some cultures youth are more valued. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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