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Some cultures value elderly people more, while other cultures value the youth more. Discuss both approaches and give your own opinion. v.1

Some cultures value elderly people more, while other cultures value the youth more. v. 1
The enormous growth in the use of the internet over the last decade has led to radical changes to the way that people consume and share information. Although serious problems have arisen as a result of this, there are solutions. One of the first problems of the internet is that there are many ways for children to access potentially dangerous sites. For example, pornography sites are easily accessible to them because they can register with a site and claim to be an adult. There is no doubt that this affects their thoughts and development, which is a negative impact for the children and for society. Another major problem is the growth of online fraud and hacking. These days, there are constant news stories about government and company websites that have been hacked, resulting in sensitive information falling into the hands of criminals. It is important that action is taken to combat these problems. Governments should ensure that adequate legislation and controls are in place that will prevent young people from accessing dangerous sites, such as requiring more than simply confirming that you are an adult to view a site. Parents also have a part to play. They need to closely monitor the activities of their children and restrict their access to certain sites, which can now be done through various computer programs. Companies must also improve their on-site IT security systems to make fraud and hacking much more difficult by undertaking thorough reviews of their current systems for weaknesses. In conclusion, the internet is an amazing technological innovation that has transformed people’s lives, but not without negative impacts. However, with the right action by individuals, governments and businesses, it can be made a safe place for everyone.
The enormous growth in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet over the last decade has led to radical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume and share information. Although serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
have arisen
as a result
of this, there are solutions.

One of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of the internet is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways for children to access
potentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
For example
, pornography
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
easily
accessible to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can register with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
and claim to be an adult. There is no doubt that this affects their thoughts and development, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for the children and for society. Another major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the growth of online fraud and hacking. These days, there are constant news stories about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
websites that have
been hacked
, resulting in sensitive information falling into the hands of criminals.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that action
is taken
to combat these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should ensure that adequate legislation and controls are in place that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from accessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, such as requiring more than
simply
confirming that you are an adult to view a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
. Parents
also
have a part to play. They need to
closely
monitor the activities of their children and restrict their access to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be done
through various computer programs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their on-site IT security systems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fraud and hacking much more difficult by undertaking thorough reviews of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
systems for weaknesses.

In conclusion
, the internet is an amazing technological innovation that has transformed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
However
, with the right action by individuals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and businesses, it can
be made
a safe place for everyone.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some cultures value elderly people more, while other cultures value the youth more. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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