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Some countries sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.1

Some countries sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. 1
Owing to new trends in advertisements, mega companies financially support a sports team to advertise their products. Many opine, it is a positive development. However, others think this has major drawbacks. In my opinion, such offers must be availed. Nowadays, many companies are trying to boost their revenue, by advertising, as it attracts many customers. Hence, the trend of marketing investment in sports is common and beneficial for investors as well as sports as a whole. For illustration, the Pakistan hockey federation was unable to bear the expenses of athletes, due to lack of funds. But then all the funds were sponsored by an international company, leading to participation of players, at an international level. In addition, consumer spending of such company nearly doubled within months. On the other hand, a major issue is encountered in the form of bias reviews. As an illustration, many viewers will cheer for their favourite investors rather than a team, which is full of skills and sportsmanship spirit. Consequently, money will replace natural talent and hard work. Therefore, producing a negative impact on sports. FURTHERMORE, organizing the sports events, the country is just wasting the tax payers’ money which can be utilized in better ways. To exemplify, in India, instead of spending too much money on sports, the government should use it to provide basic needs like food and education to the needy ones. They further argue that sports players nowadays have been involved in illegal activities, because of which sports are not the true medium for promotion. For instance, recently many cricket players have been facing legal charges for taking bribes from gamblers. To conclude, some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. In my view, these kind of activities must be performed to aid sports in every aspect. This trend will increase in foreseeable future.
Owing to new trends in advertisements, mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
financially
support a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
team to advertise their products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
opine, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this has major drawbacks. In my opinion, such offers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be availed
.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are trying to boost their revenue, by advertising, as it attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
customers.
Hence
, the trend of marketing investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is common and beneficial for investors
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a whole. For illustration, the Pakistan hockey federation was unable to bear the expenses of athletes, due to lack of funds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
then all the funds
were sponsored
by an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, leading to participation of players, at an international level.
In addition
, consumer spending of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
nearly
doubled within months.

On the other hand
, a major issue
is encountered
in the form of bias reviews. As an illustration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
viewers will cheer for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
investors
rather
than a team, which is full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and sportsmanship spirit.
Consequently
, money will replace natural talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Therefore
, producing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
FURTHERMORE
, organizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, the country is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wasting the tax payers’ money which can
be utilized
in better ways. To exemplify, in India,
instead
of spending too much money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to provide basic needs like food and education to the needy ones. They
further
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players nowadays have
been involved
in illegal activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not the true medium for promotion.
For instance
, recently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cricket players have been facing legal charges for taking bribes from gamblers.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
sponsor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a way to advertise themselves. In my view,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be performed
to aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in every aspect. This trend will increase in foreseeable future.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some countries sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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