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EXPERTS SAY IF OLDER PEOPLE SPEND THEIR TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND EXERCISE DAILY THEIR LIVES WILL BE HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER. HOWEVER MANY ELDERLY ARE SUFFERING FROM LACK OF FITNESS. DISCUSS CAUSE AND SOLUTION. v.2

EXPERTS SAY IF OLDER PEOPLE SPEND THEIR TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND EXERCISE DAILY THEIR LIVES WILL BE HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER. HOWEVER MANY ELDERLY ARE SUFFERING FROM LACK OF FITNESS. DISCUSS CAUSE AND SOLUTION. v. 2
With the progression of age, health and happiness start declining. According to a WHO health survey done in the year 2010, it was found that a majority of elderly suffered from health issues both mental and physical. Medical geriatric experts have come to a conclusion that social engagement and regular exercise can have good outcomes on the health of elderly people. Let us analyse the causes in this regard and discuss the solutions. To commence, lack of fitness is demonstrated over a time-period. Sedentary lifestyle, improper food intake and careless habits contribute to ill health. With time, these bad habits along with a genetic predisposition result in the manifestation of diseases like Diabetes mellitus, Cardiovascular diseases, Atherosclerosis, Hypertension and bone mineral diseases. A solution to 90 percent of the old age acquired diseases can be achieved by maintaining a balanced diet with low salt, sugar and fat intake, and a regular exercise. Along with these precautions, a regular medical checkup after 45 years of age should be compulsory and parameters of the healthy body (body weight, blood pressure, blood sugar level, etc. ) Should be kept in check. In addition, mental health also takes a toll on the elderly. Old aged people mingle less and are ignored by their family most of the times. Other family members have a busy lifestyle and their interaction with the elders of the house is non-existent. On many occasions, the elderly are sent to old age homes and proper follow up is not kept. This leads to a depletion of self worth and result in deteriorating mental health which manifests as depression, anxiety and other psychological disorders. Several researches prove that the use of brain capacity in old age improves the neuronal circuits and brain games prevent the development of dementia. Similarly, psychiatrists propose that having familiar people around, talking to loved ones, engaging in conversations and participating in social endeavours enhances the perception of one's self worth which promotes a general mental well being. For example, a model regarding this theory was presented a few years ago, where old age homes were combined with day care centres. A promising improvement in the happiness of the elderly was observed when they interacted with the youngsters. On a government level, such initiatives can be started. Awareness programs and elderly classes for yoga and low intensity workouts can be conducted on a small or large scale by social centres. However, it is pivotal to understand that these changes must be initiated on an individual level first among families and added support should be provided to the elderly people to maintain their health and fitness. To recapitulate, the above given ideas prove that health and fitness is paramount, especially for the elderly and it can be achieved by a plethora of ways. Though these changes can be achieved over time, these are essential for a fit body and a peaceful mind.
With the progression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
declining. According to a WHO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
survey done in the year 2010, it
was found
that a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
suffered from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
and physical. Medical geriatric experts have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a conclusion that social engagement and regular exercise can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
outcomes on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the causes in this regard and discuss the solutions.

To commence, lack of fitness
is demonstrated
over a time-period. Sedentary lifestyle, improper food intake and careless habits contribute to ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. With time, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits along with a genetic predisposition result in the manifestation of diseases like Diabetes mellitus, Cardiovascular diseases, Atherosclerosis, Hypertension and bone mineral diseases.

A solution to 90 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
acquired diseases can
be achieved
by maintaining a balanced diet with low salt, sugar and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
intake, and a regular exercise. Along with these precautions, a regular medical checkup after 45 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should be compulsory and parameters of the healthy body (body weight, blood pressure, blood sugar level, etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
Should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
also
takes a toll on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mingle less and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by their family
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
. Other family members have a busy lifestyle and their interaction with the elders of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is non-existent. On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes and proper follow up is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
. This leads to a depletion of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self worth
and result in deteriorating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
which manifests as depression, anxiety and other psychological disorders.

Several researches prove that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of brain capacity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the neuronal circuits and brain games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the development of dementia.
Similarly
, psychiatrists propose that having familiar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around, talking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, engaging in conversations and participating in social
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
enhances the perception of one's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self worth
which promotes a general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

For example
, a model regarding this theory
was presented
a few years ago, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes
were combined
with day care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. A promising improvement in the happiness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
was observed
when they interacted with the youngsters. On a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
level, such initiatives can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
. Awareness programs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
classes for yoga and low intensity workouts can
be conducted
on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or large scale by social
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
However
, it is pivotal to understand that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be initiated
on an individual level
first
among families and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
support should
be provided
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness.

To recapitulate, the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness is paramount,
especially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and it can
be achieved
by a plethora of ways. Though these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can
be achieved
over time, these are essential for a fit body and a peaceful mind.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay EXPERTS SAY IF OLDER PEOPLE SPEND THEIR TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND EXERCISE DAILY THEIR LIVES WILL BE HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER. HOWEVER MANY ELDERLY ARE SUFFERING FROM LACK OF FITNESS. DISCUSS CAUSE AND SOLUTION. v. 2

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
484 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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