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In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different part of their country after retirement. Discuss why this is so and the outcomes of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different part of their country after retirement. Discuss why this is so and the outcomes of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
After retirement, a lot of people prefer to move away from the town they had worked. While some move to other countries, others move to other areas of the same country. Among other reasons, many people make this decision because they believe the new area they relocate to will help them to live healthy lives at old age. A large number of people who spend their active years in the city centres move away from these areas after retirement majorly because they want to relieve themselves from the tension associated with urban centres like traffic congestion, pollution from industrial areas and exhaust from cars. As a result of the reduced number of industries and people in many sub-urban centres, living there excludes exposure to these stress inducers. Admittedly, people that move to sub-urban areas after retirement have access to clean food, vegetables and less pollution. Consequently, they tend to live healthy lives than when they were in the city centres. In addition, a large number of retirees change their location to areas where they can have access to the support they need. As a result of retirement, there is a change in their routine and most retirees tend to feel lonely. So, taking them to where they can get social support can help them to live better lives and prevent them from slipping into depression. In conclusion, there are various reasons why people prefer to relocate after retirement. Also, there is a significant difference between life during active service and that after retirement therefore I strongly agree that retirees should relocate to places they want in order for them to lead good lives at old age.
After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
away from the town they had worked. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the same country. Among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
they relocate to will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend their active years in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
away from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
majorly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to relieve themselves from the tension associated with urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
like traffic congestion, pollution from industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and exhaust from cars.
As a result
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
number of industries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sub-urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, living there excludes exposure to these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
inducers.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to sub-urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
have access to clean food, vegetables and less pollution.
Consequently
, they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
than when they were in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
In addition
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
retirees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their location to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where they can have access to the support they need.
As a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their routine and most retirees tend to feel lonely.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, taking them to where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
social support can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from slipping into depression.

In conclusion
, there are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to relocate after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
Also
, there is a significant difference between life during active service and that after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
therefore
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that retirees should relocate to places they want in order for them to lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different part of their country after retirement. Discuss why this is so and the outcomes of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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