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Some countries encourage teenagers to have part-time job and see it as a good thing, while others disagree. Give your opinion and explain both views. v.1

Some countries encourage teenagers to have part-time job and see it as a good thing, while others disagree. Give your opinion and explain both views. v. 1
Recently many countries believe that work part-time is beneficial for younger generation for their better future, however, others against to this argument as teenagers should focus on their studies. In my opinion, I strongly advocate this approach that doing part-time work gives numerous benefits to students. On the one hand, one benefit of children doing paid work is that they understand the value of money. This also teaches them not to waste money as they realise the work needed to earn it. Moreover, having a paid job is advantageous because children take their first step in learning how to manage and save money. Many older children, for instance, work for part-time jobs in order to save up for something they would otherwise be unable to afford. Additionally, working enchances the interpersonal skills of a youngster. These skills help children develop into self-supporting adults ready to enter society and the workplace. On the other hand, most of the nations discourages this approach of part-time jobs for younger ones due to their studies. In other words, the time children spend working digress them from focussing on their higher studies. In fact, having a good education is the key to a successfull futureso being employed as a teenager can result in a poor academic performancewhich can be harmful in teh long run. Furthermore, in rudimentary period of college students are not enough matured both academically and intellectually to face the challenges of workplace. To illustrate, as per the recent statistics in "India" most of the prestigious universities abolish part time jobs for their learners. To conclude, while countries may vary in their opinions, I personally believe that working during higher education gives plethora of knowldge to the children, additionally, it broaden their horizon of contacts for future.
Recently
many
countries believe that
work
part-time is beneficial for younger generation for their better future,
however
, others against to this argument as
teenagers
should focus on their studies. In my opinion, I
strongly
advocate this approach that doing part-time
work
gives numerous benefits to students.

On the one hand, one benefit of
children
doing paid
work
is that they understand the value of money. This
also
teaches them not to waste money as they
realise
the
work
needed to earn it.
Moreover
, having a paid
job
is advantageous
because
children
take their
first
step in learning how to manage and save money.
Many
older
children
,
for instance
,
work
for part-time
jobs
in order to save up for something they would
otherwise
be unable to afford.
Additionally
, working
enchances
the interpersonal
skills
of a youngster. These
skills
help
children
develop into self-supporting adults ready to enter society and the workplace.

On the other hand
, most of the nations discourages this approach of part-time
jobs
for younger ones due to their studies.
In other words
, the time
children
spend working digress them from focussing on their higher studies. In fact, having a
good
education is the key to a
successfull
futureso
being employed
as a
teenager
can result in a poor academic
performancewhich
can be harmful in
teh
long run.
Furthermore
, in rudimentary period of college students are not
enough
matured both
academically
and
intellectually
to face the challenges of workplace. To illustrate, as per the recent statistics in
"
India
"
most of the prestigious universities abolish
part time
jobs
for their learners.

To conclude
, while countries may vary in their opinions, I
personally
believe that working during higher education gives plethora of
knowldge
to the
children
,
additionally
, it
broaden
their horizon of contacts for future.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries encourage teenagers to have part-time job and see it as a good thing, while others disagree. Give your opinion and explain both views. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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