Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some countries encourage teenagers to have a part time job to see it is a good thing, while others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.1

Some countries encourage teenagers to have a part time job to see it is a good thing, while others disagree. v. 1
It is an irrefutable that every student wants to be a higher mark in the exam but they have a fear of exams, it seems like a nightmare. Some people assert that to judge a people skills by their marks is not an appreciable. I totally agree with the statement and in this essay, I intend to support my views before conclusion can be drawn. There are several reasons why children have worried about exams system. Firstly, As per Indian educational system, people think that it is not good as much as other countries. Because, In India, the person who got higher marks they can get higher pay-scale and job satisfaction. There is no doubt, Another person who has extra skills than higher grade groups, which results lack of confidence and youngster move out in other countries. Whereas, countries like Canada, Australia has their own education criteria, those countries compare their student with their skills. In addition, Due to this counter measures, after 12th grade students try to move to the other countries for higher education which causes there are shortage of highly skilled trade persons in India. For an instance, according to survey, 70 percent of Indians after high school move to the Canada and other nations. The government of India should take a hard step on their educational system, so that the student feels comfortable and show their working skills in Indian multinational companies to improve the economy. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that the government should immediately find out the solution and enhance taking the exam in a different ways.
It is an irrefutable that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
wants to be a higher mark in the exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have a fear of exams, it seems like a nightmare.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that to judge a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by their marks is not
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an appreciable
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and in this essay, I intend to support my views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
conclusion can
be drawn
.

There are several reasons why children have worried about exams system.
Firstly
, As per Indian educational system,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, In India, the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
higher marks they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher pay-scale and job satisfaction. There is no doubt, Another person who has extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than higher grade groups, which results lack of confidence and youngster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Canada, Australia has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
education criteria, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
compare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In addition
, Due to this counter measures, after 12th grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for higher education which causes there are shortage of
highly
skilled trade persons in India. For an instance, according to survey, 70 percent of Indians after high school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the Canada and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India should take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
step on their educational system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
feels comfortable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in Indian multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should immediately find out the solution and enhance taking the exam in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "way"?
ways
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries encourage teenagers to have a part time job to see it is a good thing, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts