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Some countries encourage teenagers to have a part time job to see it is a good thing, while others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.2

Some countries encourage teenagers to have a part time job to see it is a good thing, while others disagree. v. 2
In this modern world due to rising competition in each and every field of work give rise to problems such as unemployment, and in order to fulfill needs of the family teenagers are encouraged to do a job even if it is a part time. Although some argue it is a good idea, while others have opposite beliefs. This essay will discuss both these views. To begin with, those who hold contradictory views proposes several reasons for it. First and foremost, is due to the fact that they are tender and immature it is really possible they can get hurt. For example, youngsters doing manual labor are prone to injuries, and sometimes ending up with disastrous consequences such as losing a limb. Also, it is true that many are abused by other workers. Apart from this, its not their age to work rather it is a period of enjoyment. Lastly child labour is against law. Having said this, there a tremendous benefits as well. By working early not only they will gain valuable work experience which is extremely important for their future career, but it also helps in acquiring skills for instance, socialization, communication and confidence which are fundamental for their progression into sound adult. Furthermore, by doing so they will be able to support their families and possibly economy of the country as well. To conclude, though there are advantages of adopting such a policy both at individual level, and for countries as well, and drawbacks as well. In my opinion, positive effects do not out weigh side effects, and policymakers make laws to end this practice as it may lead to life threatening disadvantages. In the future, due to rise in inflation rates this trend will continue to flourish unless effective measures are not taken to stop it.
In this modern world due to rising competition in each and every field of work give rise to problems such as unemployment, and in order to fulfill needs of the family
teenagers
are encouraged
to do a job even if it is a
part time
. Although
some
argue it is a
good
idea
, while others have opposite beliefs. This essay will discuss both these views.

To
begin
with, those who hold contradictory views proposes several reasons for it.
First
and foremost, is due to the fact that they are tender and immature it is
really
possible they can
get
hurt.
For example
, youngsters doing manual labor are prone to injuries, and
sometimes
ending up with disastrous consequences such as losing a limb.
Also
, it is true that
many
are abused
by other workers. Apart from this, its not their age to work
rather
it is a period of enjoyment.
Lastly
child
labour
is against law.

Having said this, there a tremendous
benefits
as well
. By working early not
only
they will gain valuable work experience which is
extremely
important
for their future career,
but
it
also
helps
in acquiring
skills
for instance
, socialization, communication and confidence which are fundamental for their progression into sound adult.
Furthermore
, by doing
so
they will be able to support their families and
possibly
economy of the country
as well
.

To conclude
, though there are advantages of adopting such a policy both at individual level, and for countries
as well
, and drawbacks
as well
. In my opinion,
positive
effects do not out weigh side effects, and policymakers
make
laws to
end
this practice as it may lead to life threatening disadvantages. In the future, due to rise in inflation rates this trend will continue to flourish unless effective measures are not taken to
stop
it.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries encourage teenagers to have a part time job to see it is a good thing, while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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