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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where the conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or The Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.1

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where the conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or The Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 1
An increasingly number of travelers, nowadays, are interested in travelling to areas having harsh conditions. Visiting such places would undoubtedly, bring a lifetime experience and recognition over social media but this has its own downsides. One evident benefit of having a vacation in harsh places is the unique and irreplaceable experiences that it brings, which implants a long-lasting memory in oneself. In other words, people are astonished to see surreal, breathtaking views that are rarely available elsewhere. Northern lights in Iceland, for instance, presents one such example, watching which, leaves people awe-struck. Exhilaration and adrenaline rush are another added benefit for the individuals. Another obvious advantage is the amount of appreciation and recognition sightseers get over social media, once the images of such places are shared over it by them. Consequently, this results in an exponential rise in the number of followers over the social platform which helps in alleviating their confidence. There are, on the other hand, undeniable disadvantages of visiting places with unfavorable condition. To begin with, extreme weather condition of such places, namely, Antarctica or Amazon forests, makes it difficult for the tourist to have comfortable vacation. Additionally, most of these places have scarcity of fundamental requisite for human survival such as oxygen or drinkable water, which could result in life-threatening situation for travelers. To illustrate, people trekking in Himalayan region sometime lose consciousness due to lack of oxygen and are advised to carry enough oxygen for the trip. Furthermore, most of these places are deprived of vegetation because of which tourists have minimal options available and, therefore, have to survive on limited supply. To conclude, while there are extra-ordinary experiences and thrill associated with visiting extreme-condition sites, it comes with a price of sacrificing luxury and comfort along with life-threatening circumstances.
An
You used an adverb ('increasingly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('number') instead of another adjective.
increasingly number
of travelers, nowadays,
are interested
in travelling to areas having harsh conditions. Visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
would
undoubtedly
, bring a lifetime experience and recognition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
social media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
downsides.

One evident benefit of having a vacation in harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is the unique and irreplaceable experiences that it brings, which implants a long-lasting memory in oneself.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are astonished
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
surreal, breathtaking views that are rarely available elsewhere. Northern lights in Iceland,
for instance
, presents one such example, watching which,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
awe-struck. Exhilaration and adrenaline rush are another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
benefit for the individuals. Another obvious advantage is the amount of appreciation and recognition sightseers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
social media, once the images of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
it by them.
Consequently
, this results in an exponential rise in the number of followers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the social platform which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in alleviating their confidence.

There are,
on the other hand
, undeniable disadvantages of visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with unfavorable condition. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, extreme weather condition of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
namely
, Antarctica or Amazon forests,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for the tourist to have comfortable vacation.
Additionally
, most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
have scarcity of fundamental requisite for human survival such as oxygen or drinkable water, which could result in life-threatening situation for travelers. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
trekking in Himalayan region sometime lose consciousness due to lack of oxygen and
are advised
to carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
oxygen for the trip.
Furthermore
, most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are deprived
of vegetation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which tourists have minimal options available and,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
survive on limited supply.

To conclude
, while there are extra-ordinary experiences and thrill associated with visiting extreme-condition sites, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a price of sacrificing luxury and comfort along with life-threatening circumstances.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where the conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or The Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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