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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals: during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals: during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 1
Some people feel that religious festivals are becoming meaningless with most people only wanting to enjoy themselves. I don’t agree with this view. In my opinion, festivals are to be enjoyed. Also I don’t think that people have forgotten their meaning. All traditional festivals teach and celebrate the good values of life such as morality and ethics. In my country, for example, people celebrate Diwali in a grand manner by wearing new clothes, giving and receiving presents, bursting crackers and preparing traditional foods which give them more enjoyment. In addition, by decorating their homes with earthen lamps they are also sending out the message that we should dispel darkness from the world and our lives. Similar behaviour can be seen during the non-religious festivals like Bogi. People come together making bonfires, watching fireworks displays, and participating in the cultural events held in local parks. In my opinion, the argument that people have forgotten the meaning of festivals is meaningless. In schools, children are learning the reasons for celebrating festivals such as Diwali, Navratri, Pongal, Easter, Id and Holi in their text books. Also, devotional singing and writing competitions are held to encourage the students to learn more about the religious festivals. In addition, parents tell children interesting anecdotes about various festivals to ensure that they stay rooted in their culture. In conclusion, even in this fast paced modern world, people are still celebrating their religious festivals with full of enthusiasm and joyfulness. Just because they are celebrating it does not mean that they have forgotten the values and messages of these festivals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
are becoming meaningless with most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wanting to enjoy themselves. I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
are to
be enjoyed
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten their meaning.

All traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
teach and celebrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values of life such as morality and ethics. In my country,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
celebrate Diwali
Consider replacing "in a grand manner" with the adverb for "grand"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a grand manner
by wearing new clothes, giving and receiving presents, bursting crackers and preparing traditional foods which give them more enjoyment.
In addition
, by decorating their homes with earthen lamps they are
also
sending out the message that we should dispel darkness from the world and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Similar
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
during the non-religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bogi
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together making bonfires, watching fireworks displays, and participating in the cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
held in local parks.

In my opinion, the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
is meaningless. In schools, children are learning the reasons for celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
such as Diwali,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navratri
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pongal
, Easter,
Possible spelling mistake found
Id
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Holi
in their text books.
Also
, devotional singing and writing competitions
are held
to encourage the students to learn more about the religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
In addition
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
children interesting anecdotes about various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
to ensure that they stay rooted in their culture.

In conclusion
, even in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
celebrating their religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
with full of enthusiasm and joyfulness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are celebrating it does not mean that they have forgotten the values and messages of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals: during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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