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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.22

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 22
Developed countries have been helped sub developed countries giving money, actually it is not a solution for the problem of lack of money. However rich countries should provide to them different kind of helping for poorer countries instead of financial help. This essay agrees with the statement, because poor countries will be better if they received help about education and health. Firstly, the most important feature of some rich population is value education. Most of time poor countries, do not have access to a good study, this is the key for the success. For instance, my country, Brazil is clearly an example of a sub developed country. And learning from the school not even from private school could be well done; some teachers do not have enough knowledge to teach students. Perhaps developed countries should invest in better schools in sub developed countries, in order to help them having a profession, and consequently earn more cash to pay their families’ costs. Secondly, in poor countries’ health is always a huge problem because it is considered expensive for almost everyone. When someone becomes sick, their families often need to do more fund to pay for medicine or doctors. On the other hand, the prevention is the best option in terms of healthiness, but those families are so poor that they could not have basic good habits like well cleaning and good nutrition. Therefore, they become sicker and have a variety of different types of disease. In conclusion, giving capital to poorer countries might not be the best way to help them. Even though often rich countries give some financial aid, it could be more efficient if they provide improvements in learning and well-being. This could be more beneficial for both kinds of countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
sub
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
giving money, actually it is not a solution for the problem of lack of money.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should provide to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of helping for poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
instead
of financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will be better if they received
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
about education and health.

Firstly
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
feature of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich population is value education.
Consider using "Most time" or "Most of the time".
Most of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, do not have access to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
study, this is the key for the success.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, Brazil is
clearly
an example of a sub
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. And learning from the school not even from private school could be well done;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teachers do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge to teach students. Perhaps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should invest in better schools in sub
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
The verb 'in' is used with an infinitive: "to have" or "have".
having
a profession, and
consequently
earn more cash to pay their families’ costs.

Secondly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
health is always a huge problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is considered
expensive for almost everyone. When someone becomes sick, their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need to do more fund to pay for medicine or doctors.
On the other hand
, the prevention is the best option in terms of healthiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those families are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
that they could not have basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits like well cleaning and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nutrition.
Therefore
, they become sicker and have a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of disease.

In conclusion
, giving capital to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
might not be the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial aid, it could be more efficient if they provide improvements in learning and well-being. This could be more beneficial for both kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.22