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Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. v. 1
Many countries today are grappling with the best ways to curb rising crime rates and some have suggested that increased police presence on the streets is the optimal solution. Although I think this would have a positive effect for obvious reasons, the best solution is more nuanced and requires a deeper understanding of the sources underlying crime. There is little doubt that employing greater numbers of police officers will have an adverse affect on criminality. One of the best examples of this would be in New York City under Mayor Rudy Giuliani during the late 1980s and early 90s. At that time, New York was a haven for criminals and many areas of the city were deemed too dangerous by residents to safely live in or walk through at night. One of the many measures that Giuliani used to reduce crime was significantly increasing the number of police officers during his time in office. This led to a reciprocal decline in crime and made the tourist-heavy neighbourhoods almost entirely safe and the rougher districts at least passably crime-free. The above-mentioned measures were only effective because administrators also tackled the root causes of crime. It is generally agreed upon that the principle causes of crime are related to education indirectly and poverty more directly. If you look at countries with extremely low poverty and unemployment rates, such as Japan, you will see correspondingly low rates of crime. In Japan, this begins with one of the world’s most renowned educational systems. Students graduate from high school and university with immediately employable skills and most are employed throughout their lifetimes. Since they have money to afford a good standard of living there is little incentive for criminal behaviour and the crime rate is among the lowest in the world. In conclusion, the best way to reduce crime in the long-term is to invest more in education and the economy to stimulate job growth and address the catalysts spurring on crime. Any government that is serious about making their country a safer place must first take steps to improve their educational system as that will have the largest impact on creating the stable jobs that discourage criminality in all its forms.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are grappling with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
ways to curb rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have suggested that increased police presence on the streets is the optimal solution. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect for obvious reasons, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
solution is more nuanced and requires a deeper understanding of the sources underlying crime.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
doubt that employing greater numbers of police officers will have an adverse
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on criminality. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
examples of this would be in New York City under Mayor Rudy Giuliani during the late 1980s and early 90s. At that time, New York was a haven for criminals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas of the city
were deemed
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
by residents to
safely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in or walk through at night. One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
measures that Giuliani
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
was
significantly
increasing the number of police officers during his time in office. This led to a reciprocal decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and made the tourist-heavy
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
almost
entirely
safe and the rougher districts at least
passably
crime-free.

The above-mentioned measures were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
administrators
also
tackled the root causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
upon that the
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
are related
to education
indirectly
and poverty more
directly
. If you look at countries with
extremely
low poverty and unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
, such as Japan, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
correspondingly
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In Japan, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with one of the world’s most renowned educational systems. Students graduate from high school and university with immediately employable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and most
are employed
throughout their lifetimes. Since they have money to afford a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of living there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
incentive for criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is among the lowest in the world.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the long-term is to invest more in education and the economy to stimulate job growth and address the catalysts spurring on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that is
serious about making their country a safer place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their educational system as that will have the largest impact on creating the stable jobs that discourage criminality in all its forms.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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