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Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce these increasing levels of crime. To what extent to you agree or disagree? v.2

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce these increasing levels of crime. v. 2
The rate of crime is nowadays considerably increasing all over the world, and people have to face this massive issue in many features of their daily routine. So, they absolutely trust in government and hope that politicians find a method to solve this problem out. Some people claim that the government should enhance the amount of policemen on the streets, in order that order is kept. I strongly disagree with this view, because in my opinion order cannot be kept by restricting the control. As a matter of fact, crime is increasing because criminals make wrong and illegal choices, that they would undertake even if the level of police control arises. A possible alternative approach could be to improve level of education in the suburbs, to help people to distinguish what is legal and what is not. Moreover, another feasible approach would be increasing the communication in specific areas that are much more dangerous than others. Teachers there might be trained to empathize as much as possible with their students, and some counselling centres could be established. Chatting with some experts people can describe crucial situations that they are currently living, and at the same time they would be reassured and encouraged to solve their issues out. On the other hand, a more restricted control could drive people crazy and increase the percentage of crimes. For instance, a criminal might persuade honest people that policemen are encroaching their streets and a sense of hatred could be developed against institutions. To sum up, in my view is fundamental that individuals understand by their own the negative consequences that committing crimes has.
The rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is nowadays
considerably
increasing all over the world, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face this massive issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
features of their daily routine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
absolutely
trust in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and hope that politicians find a method to solve this problem out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enhance the amount of policemen on the streets, in order that order is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
.

I
strongly
disagree with this view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in my opinion order cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
by restricting the control. As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and illegal choices, that they would undertake even if the level of police control arises. A possible alternative approach could be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
level of education in the suburbs, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to distinguish what is legal and what is not.

Moreover
, another feasible approach would be increasing the communication in specific areas that are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
than others. Teachers there might
be trained
to empathize as much as possible with their students, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
counselling
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
could
be established
. Chatting with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
crucial situations that they are
currently
living, and at the same time they would
be reassured
and encouraged to solve their issues out.

On the other hand
, a more restricted control could drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
crazy and increase the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For instance
, a criminal might persuade honest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that policemen are encroaching their streets and a sense of hatred could
be developed
against institutions.

To sum up, in my view is fundamental that individuals understand by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences that committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
has.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce these increasing levels of crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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