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Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. v. 1
It is true that some nations are fighting against the burgeoning of criminal rate. It is considered by many that increasing number of police on the streets is only solution to minimise crime. While I agree that more police is a good idea, I believe there are various ways to alleviate violation of law. Most of the people believe that allocating more police by local authorities at crime hotspots is able to keep the stability of security status in those areas. Statistics have shown that predominant cause of illegal activities is lack of surveillance. By raising the quantity of police, unlawful activities are more likely to be prevented from the beginning. Furthermore, increasing the presence of police allows local residents to deter crimes by reporting potential breach of law as a delay may leads to adverse consequences. However, I think it is a short-term solution. In my opinion, government should apply technology, enforce the existing laws, and develop a better economy. Firstly, the government should install technology such as CCTV systems to put the streets under control twenty-four hours per day. Although applying technology may be a costly method, Secondly, authorities involved should enforce the law by imposing heavier punishment such as death penalty, and ban civilian from owning assault weapons legally. Lastly, criminal issues can be tackled when the economy is stable as everyone has a source of income which will lead to lesser people to be involved in illegal activities such as robbing and stealing. In conclusion, placing more law enforcers on the streets is not the most reliable way to reduce criminal rate. There should be a change in the outdated legal systems, use of high-tech systems and improved economy to minimize unlawful act effectively.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations are fighting against the burgeoning of criminal rate. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
on the streets is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
crime. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I believe there are various ways to alleviate violation of law.

Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that allocating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
by local authorities at crime hotspots is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the stability of security status in those areas. Statistics have shown that predominant cause of illegal activities is lack of surveillance. By raising the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
, unlawful activities are more likely to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from the beginning.
Furthermore
, increasing the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
local residents to deter crimes by reporting potential breach of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
as a delay may leads to adverse consequences.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a short-term solution.

In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should apply technology, enforce the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, and develop a better economy.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should install technology such as CCTV systems to put the streets under control twenty-four hours per day. Although applying technology may be a costly method,
Secondly
, authorities involved should enforce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
by imposing heavier punishment such as death penalty, and ban civilian from owning assault weapons
legally
.
Lastly
, criminal issues can
be tackled
when the economy is stable as everyone has a source of income which will lead to lesser
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
be involved
in illegal activities such as robbing and stealing.

In conclusion
, placing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
enforcers on the streets is not the most reliable way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
criminal rate. There should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the outdated legal systems,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of high-tech systems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
economy to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('minimize' and 'minimise') within a single text.
minimize
unlawful act
effectively
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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