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Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v.3

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v. 3
Nowadays, international sports games become a playing field for national sports industry to showcase the best personal talents and bring home honor and admiration. Some countries are willing to provide specialized facilities to train athletes skill, instead of fitness facilities for public use. While I personally think this is a positive development, it also has some drawbacks. On the one hand, there are several reasons why the government pumps the huge amount of money into a select and upgrade specialized sports facilities to serve for training professional skills. First reason is that expenditure on training athletes team for abroad coaching could be reduced significantly, thanks to the budget of the nation. For example, Japan has long been known for its gold medal football team in Olympic due to their appropriate method of training and tremendous investment in infrastructures. Another reason is that sufficient sports infrastructures have a positive impact on youngsters who are more likely to pursue sports professions. Therefore, this will result in potential human resources who make a great contribution to national sports industry in many years. On the other hand, extremely focusing on investing the quality of sports equipment has a negative influence on social problems. Firstly, training sectors accounted for the large space of society as well as wasting the enormous cost of capital. Consequently, people will have fewer places to go for exercises and play their favorite sports such as swimming or badminton and make national economic to be fall. Secondly, the lack of public sports facilities may unfortunately increase chances of people leading a sedentary lifestyle which is a major factor in health problems such as obesity, diabetes and heart diseases. For instance, because young people have to use few and old public facilities that it could not cater for their demand so they tend to spend time playing games or chatting with other people. As a result, they have to suffer from eyes and the risk of mental disorder. In conclusion, although the building of specialized training centers for top athletes brings some benefit for sport national industry in some ways, it seems to me it has disadvantages problems for society. It is suggested that a balancing act is required from the authorities to minimize the potential drawbacks of the issue.
Nowadays, international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
games become a playing field for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry to showcase the best personal talents and bring home honor and admiration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries are willing to provide specialized facilities to train athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
instead
of fitness facilities for public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. While I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pumps the huge amount of money into a select and upgrade specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities to serve for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
First
reason is that expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
athletes team for abroad coaching could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
, thanks to the budget of the nation.
For example
, Japan has long
been known
for its gold medal football team in Olympic due to their appropriate method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and tremendous investment in infrastructures. Another reason is that sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
infrastructures have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on youngsters who are more likely to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professions.
Therefore
, this will result in potential human resources who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.

On the other hand
,
extremely
focusing on investing the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on social problems.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
sectors accounted for the large space of society
as well
as wasting the enormous cost of capital.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have fewer places to go for exercises and play their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as swimming or badminton and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
economic to be fall.
Secondly
, the lack of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities may unfortunately increase chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leading a sedentary lifestyle which is a major factor in health problems such as obesity, diabetes and heart diseases.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
few and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
public facilities that it could not cater for their demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to spend time playing games or chatting with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from eyes and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of mental disorder.

In conclusion
, although the building of specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
centers for top athletes brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
industry in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, it seems to me it has disadvantages problems for society. It
is suggested
that a balancing act
is required
from the authorities to minimize the potential drawbacks of the issue.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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