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Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v.2

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v. 2
It is undeniable that several countries have a tendency of funding sport infrastructure for professional athletes to acquire the global achievements these days, instead of providing basic equipment and land for the public purpose. Although this can bring about some benefits, I strongly argue that its negative aspects are noticeable. On the one hand, it is understandable why the government should give a priority of infrastructure to the elite athletes to obtain good results for the country. Indeed, winning high prizes in international sports events, like Olympic, is considered not only an effective way to improve country image, but it will also increase the patriotism among young generations and motivate them to exercise more. By improving the national branding, countries believe to have some economic advantages in this competitive world. Therefore, investing an enormous amount of money in building training centres to provide athletes the best condition to practice can boost the national trading and economy, as well as create a respectful job which is worthy to pursue. On the other hand, such this unequal investment has potential risk of loss. Firstly, providing more public facilities for dwellers is a good way to reduce the burden on health care. Specifically, when citizens are encouraged to take exercise, they can tackle the risk of different common diseases such as obesity, stroke and heart attack, which can help governments save a large amount of money on medical public services. Besides, it is apparent that the tax is contributed by the community. Thus, this funding should be spent to improve people’s life. Consequently, if all the national resources are strongly emphasis on athletes while numerous of the health problem of citizens are ignored, this would lead to the strong opposition from the public, even affecting the security of the nation. In conclusion, while spending state budget to enhance special facilities to achieve global sport metals is necessary, it is also vital for the government to build public infrastructure for residents for social long – term benefits.
It is undeniable that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a tendency of funding sport infrastructure for professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
to acquire the global achievements these days,
instead
of providing basic equipment and land for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
purpose. Although this can bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, I
strongly
argue that its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects are noticeable.

On the one hand, it is understandable why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give a priority of infrastructure to the elite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
to obtain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Indeed
, winning high prizes in international sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, like Olympic,
is considered
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
image,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
also
increase the patriotism among young generations and motivate them to exercise more. By improving the national branding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
believe to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic advantages in this competitive world.
Therefore
, investing an enormous amount of money in building training
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
the best condition to practice can boost the national trading and economy,
as well
as create a respectful job which is worthy to pursue.

On the other hand
, such this unequal investment has potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of loss.
Firstly
, providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities for dwellers is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden on health care.
Specifically
, when citizens
are encouraged
to take exercise, they can tackle the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
common diseases such as obesity, stroke and heart attack, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
save a large amount of money on medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.
Besides
, it is apparent that the tax
is contributed
by the community.
Thus
, this funding should
be spent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life.
Consequently
, if all the national resources are
strongly
emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
while numerous of the health problem of citizens
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, this would lead to the strong opposition from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, even affecting the security of the nation.

In conclusion
, while spending state budget to enhance special facilities to achieve global sport metals is necessary, it is
also
vital for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
infrastructure for residents for social long
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
term benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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