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The difference in age between parents and their children has increased compared to the past. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

The difference in age between parents and their children has increased compared to the past. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
The large age gap between children and their parents has increased recently. It appears that this trend can have damaging impacts on both children and their parents. I will explain why in this essay. Firstly, in this situation, children and their parents often have varying attitudes towards life. This is because they come from two different generations. For example, parents who are about 30 years older than their children usually believe that their family is the most important priority in their life while their children think that the popularity among their peers is more significant and they tend to spend more time with their friends. In addition, a second and perhaps most drawback of the difference in age is to decrease the connection between family members since they have no common interests. In other words, they have completely different tastes in clothing, lifestyle, and also habits. In terms of clothing, for instance, children usually would like wearing some weird clothes such as the baggy ones with bright colors which may be unacceptable for their seniors. Thus, children and their parents always are put in a challenge which is caused by the generation gap. It is true that very young parents who decide to have a child usually are inexperienced. Therefore, their children would not be totally safe in this type of family in terms of an appropriate nurture. Despite this, a long age gap can weaken the strong bonding between family members that would lead to a lot of abnormal behavior in households. To conclude, although this trend could have negative consequences, it is occurring in a multitude of families in the modern world. It seems to me that if this trend is continued, it will be observed how the families will be in a serious trouble over time.
The large age gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has increased recently. It appears that this trend can have damaging impacts on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

Firstly
, in this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have varying attitudes towards life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are about 30 years older than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
priority in their life while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the popularity among their peers is more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
significant and
they tend to spend more time with their friends.
In addition
, a second and perhaps most drawback of the difference in age is to decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members since they have no common interests.
In other words
, they have completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tastes in clothing, lifestyle, and
also
habits.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
terms of clothing,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
The adverb 'usually' is usually put between 'would' and 'like'.
usually would like
wearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weird clothes such as the baggy ones with bright colors which may be unacceptable for their seniors.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always
are put
in a challenge which
is caused
by the generation gap.

It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who decide to have a child
usually
are inexperienced
.
Therefore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not be
totally
safe in this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in terms of an appropriate nurture. Despite this, a long age gap can weaken the strong bonding between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members that would lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
abnormal behavior in households.

To conclude
, although this trend could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, it is occurring in a multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in the modern world. It seems to me that if this trend
is continued
, it will
be observed
how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
will be in a serious trouble over time.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The difference in age between parents and their children has increased compared to the past. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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