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Some counties are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some counties are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. v. 1
Amelioration of technology in communication and transportation enables the opportunity to travel abroad and make new permanent residence with better job. This helps to build a better and secured life. Although contact with family and friends might be limited, but that also can be overcome. In my opinion the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. In recent days skilled people doing great to abroad. IT professionals, doctors, engineers are going to developed countries and settling there, which giving them the freedom to live a better life. Moreover, they are sending remittance to their own countries which are helping their family members and nations as well. Furthermore, children of them could get a better education and environment that helps them to be raised with better facilities. They could get world class schools, colleges and universities and teachers. In addition, due to this globalization, we can see the mixing of culture and people worldwide. For example, recently an American film star got married with an Indian actress in Indian style and culture. Hence people are exchanging their culture and values in a positive way. On the other hand getting in touch on Skype, Twitter or Facebook can never be the same as talking face to face. As a result distance grows with old family and friends. Children deprived of the love of grandparents. In addition, we see some kids adopt the foreign culture negatively which hurts their parents. In conclusion, we see that though people loose vicinity with family and friends ultimately they got benefited financially and with other facilities. It helps them to be raised with a brighter lifestyle.
Amelioration of technology in communication and transportation enables the opportunity to travel abroad and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new permanent residence with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and secured life. Although contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends might
be limited
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that
also
can
be overcome
. In my opinion the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

In recent days skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing great to abroad. IT professionals, doctors, engineers are going to
'Going to' requires the base form: "develop"
developed
countries and settling there, which giving them the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.
Moreover
, they are sending remittance to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries which are helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and nations
as well
.
Furthermore
, children of them could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education and environment that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
be raised
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
facilities. They could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
schools, colleges and universities and teachers.
In addition
, due to this globalization, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the mixing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide.
For example
, recently an American film star
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Use "to" with "marry." You probably meant this: "married to".
married with
an Indian actress in Indian style and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exchanging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and values in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.

On the other hand
getting in touch on Skype, Twitter or Facebook can never be the same as talking face to face.
As a result
distance grows with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends. Children deprived of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of grandparents.
In addition
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kids adopt the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
negatively
which hurts their parents.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
loose vicinity with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends
ultimately
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
benefited
financially
and with other facilities. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
be raised
with a brighter lifestyle.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some counties are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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