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Task2: Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v.1

Task2: Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v. 1
By Doniyorbek Some people believe that these days a great deal of languages is going to die out. The majority of people emphasise that those languages must be funded in order to enhance, whilst others say that investing bill in this sphere would be a waste. Personally, I believe that the authorities should not allocate money to this trend, because there are a lot of languages which can be used. Investing property in order to improve the languages can be very positive idea. Because when the government spend cash in order to increase the popularity of language, the number of people interested in this obviously is going to increase. As a result, the proportion of speakers of the language tends to increase and it may support the language being spoken among other people too. On the other hand a majority of people would argue that spending money to preserving these languages can be a waste. What I mean by this is the languages must be on their own and improve itself if there would be any demand. Instead, authorities need to think about providing money on public services such as: education and transport. As a result, the individuals feel more pleased to the government and governments can have a closer relationship with the people. Moreover, I think that governments must allow local people to speak languages and should not ban them. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the government does not have to distribute a special money in this field, but they must provide enough attention.
By
Possible spelling mistake found.
Doniyorbek


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these days a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be funded
in order to enhance, whilst others say that investing bill in this sphere would be a waste.
Personally
, I believe that the authorities should not allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to this trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

Investing property in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spend cash in order to increase the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interested in this
obviously
is going to increase.
As a result
, the proportion of speakers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
tends to increase and it may support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
being spoken
among other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
too.

On the other hand
a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to preserving these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can be a waste. What I mean by this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
itself if there would be any demand.
Instead
, authorities need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on public services such as: education and transport.
As a result
, the individuals feel more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can have a closer relationship with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to speak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and should not ban them.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
distribute a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in this field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Task2: Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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