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In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. v.2

In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. v. 2
In this expeditiously transforming world, the role of a woman in the various sectors is a highly debated topic, and attracts a lot of opinions. Some people believe that they should have equal contribution as men in the armed forces, but others tend to differ. To have the right progress of a country, I believe that equal opportunity should be given to both men and women. To embark on the side which supports women to join military force, some savants propound that women have higher strategy making tactics and able to make decisions faster. Furthermore, they have high pain resisting power. To illustrate this, we can take the example of pregnancy, where the level of pain experienced while delivery is prodigious. In the past, women have proved their valour at various stages, taking the example of our first women IPS officer, Kiran Bedi, we can clearly make it apparent that they have the capability to be a part of the armed forces. Accentuating the compelling outlook, which restricts a woman to join the army or other forces, contemplates that they are not physically strong enough as a result, they might not be able to survive in harsh climatic conditions. For example, in Siachen, where the temperature drops to -50 degrees Celsius, staying alive is a challenge. Moreover, their biological differences might create hindrances in training and other field activities as a result, the efficiency will get dwindled. Apart from the physical aspect, some savants propound that most women are timid at heart and emotionally weaker than men, thus putting them last in the line. To summarize, I contemplate that women should be given equal chances as men, and should be encouraged to join the armed forces. If they are successful in fields like business, science, technology and others, they will put maximum effort for this as well. Sidelining them for some prejudice is not as appreciated way, as they have the capability to handle it proficiently.
In this
expeditiously
transforming world, the role of a woman in the various sectors is a
highly
debated topic, and attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opinions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they should have equal contribution as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others tend to differ. To have the right progress of a country, I believe that equal opportunity should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and women.

To embark on the side which supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
savants propound that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have higher strategy making tactics and able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions faster.
Furthermore
, they have high pain resisting power. To illustrate this, we can take the example of pregnancy, where the level of pain experienced while delivery is prodigious. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have proved their
Possible spelling mistake. 'valour' is British English.
valour
at various stages, taking the example of our
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
IPS officer, Kiran
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bedi
, we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it apparent that they have the capability to be a part of the armed forces.

Accentuating the compelling outlook, which restricts a woman to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the army or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
, contemplates that they are not
physically
strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
as a result
, they might not be able to survive in harsh climatic conditions.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Siachen
, where the temperature drops to -50 degrees Celsius, staying alive is a challenge.
Moreover
, their biological differences might create hindrances in training and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
field activities
as a result
, the efficiency will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dwindled. Apart from the physical aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
savants propound that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are timid at heart and
emotionally
weaker than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
thus
putting them last in the line.

To summarize
, I contemplate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal chances as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, and should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
. If they are successful in fields like business, science, technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, they will put maximum effort for this
as well
. Sidelining them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prejudice is not as appreciated way, as they have the capability to handle it
proficiently
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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