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Young people who commit serious crimes such as a rubbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Young people who commit serious crimes such as a rubbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. v. 2
Juvenile delinquency is becoming an increase concerns. To keep the crime rate within limits, some people reckon that the punishment for those young criminals should not be differentiated from the adults. As far as I am concerned, the practice is can be done on the condition that they commit crimes more than once. The reason of advocate of the harsh punishment is that it is usually considered as an effective way of deterring the adolescents from reoffending. Besides, it is extremely unfair for the victims if the criminals who committed the major crime escaped from the sentence just simply because they are still young. Without the harsh punishment, moreover, the teenager would not realize the serious after effect of their heinous crimes and leave the victims and their families suffering. However, juveniles do not have the same physical and mental condition as the adults, therefore, the punishment would not have much effect on them. For some of them, meanwhile, they do not have adequate endurance so that the penalty may destroy their whole life and future. Additionally, there is much greater possibility for them to reestablish the value, return to normal life and even shift gear to become the leader of the certain area. Compared with adult criminals, the young ones are more capable of learning from their mistakes. In conclusion, I believe that naïve and young as criminals are, heinous acts should be punished regardless of the age, for the sake the long-term social benefit, rigorous education and chances should be offered to young offenders. However, if only they commit crimes again, there is no excuse for them to escape from the equivalent penalty as adults.
Juvenile delinquency is becoming an increase concerns. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate within limits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should not
be differentiated
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. As far as I
am concerned
, the practice is can
be done
on the condition that they commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
more than once.

The reason of advocate of the harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is that it is
usually
considered as an effective way of deterring the adolescents from
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffending
.
Besides
, it is
extremely
unfair for the victims if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who committed the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
escaped from the sentence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. Without the harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
,
moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
would not realize the serious after effect of their heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the victims and their families suffering.

However
, juveniles do not have the same physical and mental condition as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
,
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
would not have much effect on them. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them, meanwhile, they do not have adequate endurance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the penalty may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their whole life and future.
Additionally
, there is much greater possibility for them to reestablish the value, return to normal life and even shift gear to become the leader of the certain area. Compared with adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones are more capable of learning from their mistakes.

In conclusion
, I believe that naïve and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are, heinous acts should
be punished
regardless of the age, for the sake the long-term social benefit, rigorous education and chances should
be offered
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders.
However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again, there is no excuse for them to escape from the equivalent penalty as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Young people who commit serious crimes such as a rubbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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