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some company think the best way to motivate and encourage worker to work hard is to pay them how much they produce and sell. do you agree or disagree? include any relevant examples based on your knowledge and experience. v.1

some company think the best way to motivate and encourage worker to work hard is to pay them how much they produce and sell. include any relevant examples based on your knowledge and experience. v. 1
Possessing plenty of toys is an everlasting desire seen commonly in young children across the world. While parents of all the children get them the playing stuff they need, few parents in an extended expression of love towards their children buy them a huge count of toys. This essay will take a bird's eye view on both positive and negative impacts of such behaviour in children. Providing a big quantity of toys definitely presents more options in the overall development of a young one. A varying range of play-stuff stimulates different talents hidden in a child. For instance, if a youngster has a good pottery set along with the latest video game, not only his reasoning abilities will be sharpened while playing the video games, but also his artistic skills can be expressed out when he makes different shapes of pottery sets. In addition, in an indirect way, keeping relatively more toys may curb the feeling of jealousy and inferiority complex, potentially arising out of economic disparity appearing during the group playoffs. On the other side, getting one's off-spring a great figure of toys has a high probability of impacting them adversely, with an attitude of being ever-demanding getting developed in them as the primary concern. Moreover, the very habit of getting everything that they wish for at an early stage of life can prove to be dangerous during adult lives, especially in the situations where they are unable to get what they look for. For example, a youngster who has been provided with all the toys that he demanded may turn violent once his demands are not met. Lastly, it goes without saying that the availability of more toys than it is required will indeed bring down its value as the baby will be disposing of the toys at a much faster rate than had he been given relatively lesser toys. Therefore, it can be concluded that a higher count of toys being given to children impact them in both beneficial as well adverse ways. While it helps to bring out the multi directional talents hidden inside a child, it also carries the risk of making the child a demanding one.
Possessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is an everlasting desire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
commonly
in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
across the world. While parents of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them the playing stuff they need, few parents in an extended expression of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them a huge count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. This essay will take a bird's eye view on both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in children.

Providing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
definitely presents more options in the
overall
development of a young one. A varying range of play-stuff stimulates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talents hidden in a child.
For instance
, if a youngster has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pottery set along with the latest video game, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
his reasoning abilities will
be sharpened
while playing the video games,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
his artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
be expressed
out when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
shapes of pottery sets.
In addition
,
Consider replacing "in an indirect way" with the adverb for "indirect"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an indirect way
, keeping
relatively
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
may curb the feeling of jealousy and inferiority complex,
potentially
arising out of economic disparity appearing during the group playoffs.

On the other side, getting one's off-spring a great figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
has a high probability of impacting them
adversely
, with an attitude of being ever-demanding getting developed in them as the primary concern.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
habit of getting everything that they wish for at an early stage of life can prove to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
during adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
especially
in the situations where they are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they look for.
For example
, a youngster who has
been provided
with all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
that he demanded may turn violent once his demands are not met.
Lastly
, it goes without saying that the availability of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
than it
is required
will
indeed
bring down its value as the baby will be disposing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
at a much faster rate than had he been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
relatively
lesser toys.

Therefore
, it can
be concluded
that a higher count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
impact them in both beneficial
as well
adverse ways. While it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to bring out the multi directional talents hidden inside a child, it
also
carries the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of making the child a demanding one.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some company think the best way to motivate and encourage worker to work hard is to pay them how much they produce and sell. include any relevant examples based on your knowledge and experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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