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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinkthere are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you v.25

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinkthere are disadvantages to this. 25
People are divided between the opinion that whether companies sponsoring sports as a mean of advertisment is beneficial or not. In my opinion, advertisement of products through sports has more disadvantages. To begin with, sponsorship of sports is beneficial at certain level. Young children with a keen interest in any specific sport is unable to showcase their skills to attract the eye of selectors in order to get selected for national team. When companies sponsor sports at school or college level, students get a chance to play in competition at inter college or inter school level and have a higher probability to catch eye of selectors. Sponsorship generates revenue for the sports and allows to bear the expenses of arranging tournaments among different schools or colleges, which is not possible from institution funding as it is limited. For example, Hassan Raza (pakistan cricketer) got the eye of a selector while playing at college level. He got the chance to play for Pakistan team at international level at the age of 16 which is still the record for any player to play at international level. On the other hand, there are more commercial aspects of sponsorship which have negative effects. Many sports personalities have huge fan following and these fans adopt their attributes without thinking about its effect especially young children. Companies use the fame of the famous sportsmen to sell their products, who are enticed by handsome amount of money, in fact they earn much more by advertisements than their salaries. Therefore to earn more money sportsmen agree to advertise for any company and sometimes become their brand ambassador. Sometimes the product of these companies is harmful for the health of people. For instance, advertisements showing the intake of carbonated drinks after sports. In conclusion, sponsorship of sports for commercial purposes has more detrimental effects than positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are divided
between the opinion that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a mean of
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisment
is beneficial

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
or
not. In my opinion,
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
products through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has more disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is beneficial at certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. Young children with a keen interest in any
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
specific


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
sport
is unable to showcase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to attract the eye of selectors in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
selected for national team.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
sponsor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at school or college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to play in competition at inter college

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
or
inter school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and have a higher probability to catch eye of selectors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sponsorship
generates revenue for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


sports and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to bear the expenses of arranging tournaments among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
schools or colleges, which is not possible

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
institution funding as it
is limited
.
For example
, Hassan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raza
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
pakistan
cricketer)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the eye of a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
selector


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
playing at college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the chance to play for Pakistan team at international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
at the age of 16

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
is
still
the record for any player to play at international level.

On the other hand
, there are more commercial aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
personalities


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
have
huge fan following and these fans adopt their attributes without thinking about its effect
especially
young children.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the fame of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sportsmen to sell their products, who
are enticed
by handsome amount of money,

in
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, they".
fact they
earn much more by advertisements than their salaries.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
to earn more money sportsmen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
to


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
advertise
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
become their brand ambassador.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the product of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
is


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
harmful
for the health of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, advertisements showing the intake of carbonated drinks after sports.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for commercial purposes has more detrimental effects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinkthere are disadvantages to this. 25

Essay
  American English
17 paragraphs
306 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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